Heart of a Fighter

Oh snap we're moving!

2010-10-28T15:10:00.005-04:00

Don't panic folks, I'm not leaving NC yet :)

BUT some exciting stuff is happening for our blog here and i'm moving to marthametzler.com!

OH LA LA it's true, I'm official and I feel very grown up. So hop on over there as I brag about my costumes this year and the AMAZING hosting and web design guru - Kelly at Twenty70 Hosting.

Bear with me as I figure out the new site but I'd love to hear from you over there!

Best husband ever

2010-10-25T19:46:00.004-04:00

I was tired after work today and I normally go to the grocery store on Mondays. But my sweet hubbs decided to come with me! Sam = 1, Tiredness = 0.

It was so fun having him with me and telling me stories about his day while I scoped out which EVOO was the best buy.

Then we got home and we were winding down and he said, "You know what? I'm going to make you supper tonight." Sam = 2, Tiredness = still 0.

It was so amazing to sit and relax a bit and then enjoy an amazing meal! The greatest thing is, Sam offers to do all of those things most nights. But I let him help me today and it was SO worth it. Mondays don't have to be dreary, I'm so grateful and being able to really dive into that gratitude made my day even better. Lets not take things for granted shall we? The more I thought about how grateful I was for Sam, the happier I got. The more I stopped trying to control everything in the kitchen, the happier I was. Life is good when you spend time thanking God for the goodness He brings.

Are you throwing up yet?

Give-A-Way!

2010-10-22T15:10:00.001-04:00

Many of you know that I have started a new blog/book with two friends, Ginna and Kate. This week on our blog we started doing give-a-ways! Woo hoo!

Please pop over to read about our experiences and others in the coming weeks. To enter the drawing for the give-a-way, all you need to do is leave a comment or become a follower over at our blog; we'd love to hear from you!

Childlike Week Part III

2010-10-15T15:08:00.003-04:00

PRANKS!!!

I don’t care who you are, pranks are fun. My coworkers have put up with a lot this year as I like to constantly remind them how much I love pranks. I hide in empty offices and jump out as they walk by. I’ve hidden Sandy’s cell phone in the ceiling and called it… she had 40 missed calls from me but watching her run around trying to find it was priceless. I’ve taped office supplies to people’s desks. You name it, I’ve tried it on them… and they’ve tried it on me.

But my dear friends, we pulled the ultimate prank on Sandy. She made the stupid mistake of going to the beach and leaving her desk unattended. We felt like she needed a change of scenery.

So piece by piece, we moved her entire desk and made a miniature sized replica out of cardboard boxes in the warehouse. I wish you could have seen her face on Monday morning when her cubicle was stark white and empty and she couldn’t find her desk.

Please notice the backrest that we stole from her real chair and put on her mini-chair

Why yes, that is a fake mouse on her mouse pad.

Pranks are fun, getting pranked is fun. I hope you find some mischief this weekend and act like a child!

Childlike Week Part II

2010-10-14T06:30:00.010-04:00

DANCING LIKE A FOOL!

Have you ever watched a kid dance? It's hilarious and SO AMAZING. There may or may not be a song going on in their head or there may or may not be anyone watching, but they can do their best noodle-leg routine like its nobody's business!

I tend to break out in dance often. It's usually never good. And it's always silly. My brother's girlfriend caught me on tape as started to break a move.... by myself. Again... brace yourself, this isn't pretty. BUT IT WAS SO FUN!

*Towards the end, you can hear my husband trying to reassure everyone else in the room that what was happening was a normal occurrence. I love that.

So here is the thing, if you hear a good song or are in a good mood or just feel like you have a lot of energy pent up... DANCE. Children don't wait for skills to set in and they don't dance to get everyone's approval. They do it because it's fun. Please start dancing!

This week is dedicated to...

2010-10-12T20:16:00.006-04:00

CHILDREN!

I have something kind of stressful coming up on Saturday so I have decided the best way to handle the stress is to act like a child all week. Granted, most of what I am going to do this week is silly, fun, and makes me feel like I'm 10 years old. But I'm also going to practice a childlike faith.

Mark 10:15, "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

I think having a childlike faith and demeanor can be not only fun but freeing. So here goes!

Sunday's agenda involved me calling one of my best friends who lives in Asheville for a "play date". You have to understand my love for Ashleigh... she will do crazy things with me without even blinking. I called her and she came up for the day and we decided we would go to the fair. We rode all of the rides that would make us vomit, ate like pigs, then watched pigs race around a racetrack for Oreos, and then.... got our face painted. I mean, we had to right? Here are the highlights of a childlike day.

Here we are on the Musik Express... the G-force made me squish into Ashleigh and I almost peed in my pants I was laughing so hard

Here are the precious pigs racing for the Oreo, I wanted to take one home... but I didn't. Instead, I ate a corndog.

I kind of felt badly about the corndog... so I soothed myself with ribbon fries.

And the grand finale... our face paint. I felt it was appropriate for me to finish my day by being a puppy dog... you know, for the mission.

I realize I should be embarrassed... but I'm just not

Now, I dare you to join me in throwing those inhibitions to the wind and freeing your heart to have a childlike faith this week! Feel free to leave your stories in the comments sections.

I just feel like you should know...

2010-10-09T09:47:00.003-04:00

That I made a "I'm makin' it rain!" joke with a bunch of papers the other day at work. It looked something like this but with a bunch of really gansta purchase reports:

And then I noticed that even though I had finished the act of waving my arms in the air.... the lovely area under my biceps continued to rock on for a solid 10 seconds. I should probably stop eating candy corn pumpkins. Or at least cut back to one pound per week.

Thoughtfulness

2010-10-09T09:32:00.008-04:00

I'm not even sure if thoughtfulness is a word? But if it is, IT IS AWESOME. I came into work and found this on my desk from the best coworker ever. It made my week.

A. I love that stuff and may or may not have finished the bag in record time. Don't you judge me!

B. She wrote a sweet card and made me feel loved and special.

Then, I went to visit my husband's hometown to see his brother get married to the greatest girl ever. We stayed with my in-laws and guess what was on my chest of drawers!? You guessed it...

Do you think it's obvious the quickest way to my heart is candy? I'm not sure what to think about that but I choose to think it's because I'm sweet... right!? Right?!

Do something thoughtful this weekend. It goes such a long way. Thanks Sandy and Jan for adding to my sugar addiction and making me feel special.

Tight Spaces

2010-10-05T14:47:00.007-04:00

Well I hope everyone had a great weekend because you want to know what I did? I had to crawl down into a seven foot deep hole and scoop out two feet of mud.

As I lowered myself down into the hole, I thought about several things.

A. Thank God I’ve been doing pilates.

B. I’m not claustrophobic, I’m not claustrophobic, I’m not claustrophobic.

(Kate Larrabee-stop panicking)

C. I need to shower as soon as I get out of this crazy death trap.

D. Spiders and snakes don’t live down here… they’re claustrophobic, right?!

E. Maybe this is like a mud bath, maybe I’ll have better skin after this.

F. I hate being the smallest person on work days at the farm.

I wish I could say that I haven’t been forced into tight spaces before. For instance, until I was 16 years old, my four male cousins and brothers and I lived on the same street. We would play street hockey every night…. It was cool ok!?

And inevitably, the street hockey ball would go down into the side sewer. It got quiet, and then all of these sweet males in my life looked at me and sprinted towards me. They all grabbed at my ankles and lowered me down into the sewer as they yelled, “RATS ARE LIKE BUNNIES! YOU LIKE BUNNIES! NOW GET THE BALL.”

Well let me tell you, THEY ARE NOT LIKE BUNNIES. And now, by association, I hate bunnies.

Ok fine, I don’t. Those little twitching noses get me every time.

Well, on Saturday we were about to flood the pond but realized there was too much mud in the death hole for the water to come through. (Yes, I’m sure it has a real name, but it will always be known as death hole to me). So, the hubby and Daddy looked at me and grabbed my ankles… I kid. But they did look at me with this evil grin and said, “We’re too big, you’ll fit though.”

As I was scooping mud while not being able to fully bend over or turn around, I realized that I could talk myself into calmness and just finish the task. If I could make jokes about my butt getting stuck or the mud in my hair being new highlights, then I could make this little torture chamber fun.

When you’re in a tight space in life, you have the power to speak peace over the situation. You can take your thoughts captive. You have the ability to bring humor into the situation. And most importantly…thank God you have been doing pilates.

Winner!

2010-10-02T09:24:00.004-04:00

I finally won something!!! I won these amazing Storkie Custom Stamps over at lilkidthings.com!

Storkie Express makes gorgeous holiday cards, any invitation you can imagine, and stamps. They do custom orders and it is really simple to navigate. Just hop over to their site and enjoy!

I can't wait to put this face on my stamps.... the post office will never be the same.

Angry like Claire Huxtable

2010-09-28T20:36:00.003-04:00

Does anyone remember when Claire Huxtable in the Cosby Show would get angry and just be able to immediately start ranting and raving in Spanish? I would really like to be able to just start yelling in Spanish every time I got angry. Why?

1. It would be awesome.

2. No one would know that I was calling them a poopface and I was going to throw Poptarts at their head.

3. I should have said that in Spanish, maybe I would have sounded a little less like a crazy person.

4. It would just feel better being able to say everything without hurting anyone's feelings.... unless they knew Spanish. There's a hole in my plan, but it's still a pretty good plan.

I'll be spending the rest of my night trying to find my high school Spanish books. Good night, buenos noches people.

Happy Friday!

2010-09-24T09:24:00.001-04:00

Good morning and happy Friday! I just wanted to remind you to shoot over to a shared blog I'm contributing to with my friends Kate and Ginna. We'd love to have you!

http://threelittlearmywives.blogspot.com/

Funny Face

2010-09-23T23:01:00.004-04:00

My friend Ash Hill told me that I didn't take a normal picture. I lost the argument, here's the evidence. To whom it may concern: I'm sorry if I've broken your camera.

My older brother is the sane one.

I dance better with my mouth wide open. Something about the aero..errrr...dynamics

My sweet friend Neely- why she puts up with me I'll never know

This one seems normal to me, is that weird?

I think this was my response when Grace told me that coffee had stunted my growth.

Have a great weekend everyone, don't take yourself too seriously and make some funny faces!

Wisdom from Grandma B

2010-09-20T21:27:00.007-04:00

“The best way to ride a horse is the way it is going.”

– Grandma Bennett

My Grandma is a hilarious and strong woman. She is the mother of eight children. That’s right folks, eight children! Ocho, Ocht, Octo, Huit! She loves sweets, food, and wine. She loves to travel and take her family with her on those adventures. She has the driest sense of humor. She is so generous and has an indescribable amount of patience. This is a piece of wisdom that my Grandma has shared with us. I can’t help but think the horse is a metaphor for life. Sometimes it stinks, sometimes it is breathtakingly gorgeous, sometimes it makes your eyes blurry and itchy, and it’s always powerful. I’m not sure how many of you have ever been on a horse when it’s ready to run. If you try and force your way without being in harmony with the horse, you’re in for a very…very bumpy ride.

We grew up going to my grandparent’s farm most weekends. I spent a lot of time on a horse. There was one day that I wanted to go on a nice trot around the ring and let’s just say “Mulligan” (the horse) wanted to go a bit faster. As much as I dug my heels into its sides or pulled on the reigns, that horse was going to run. I was fighting it tooth and nail. The next thing I know I’m looking at the errr...undercarriage of ole Mulligan and my head and upper body are flailing around as if I was at a KISS concert. Mulligan finally stops after an ample amount of dirt, leaves, and manure have filled every orifice on my body. I slowly plop down onto the ground trying to catch my breath.

There was nothing scary about the horse wanting to go faster, I would have been safe. I had galloped before. And I definitely wouldn’t have been coughing up hay for the next week. Life will go faster or go down a different path that you might be wanting. Hear Grandma’s words, “The best way to ride a horse is the way it is going.”

Grandma with her 8 children... and horses...and dog. She was tired.

But not too tired to kick some tail in pool.

And definitely not too tired to be gorgeous!

A great weekend

2010-09-19T22:14:00.003-04:00

We had a great weekend at Bald Head Island as Sam's sweet brother got married to an amazing girl. I'll write more about this later but just so you get an idea of how exhausted I am, Roy has decided to do his best impression of me.

Something is missing...

2010-09-16T06:30:00.002-04:00

*Warning: not a male-friendly blog post*

I may or may not have reached a new level of scatter-brain on Tuesday. I had a lot on my mind and despite getting up early, having my coffee and some QT on the porch, getting dressed with plenty of time to spare… I forgot something.

I was walking across the parking lot to work and something felt different…off…. nonexistent. MY BRA! I FORGOT TO PUT MY BRA ON! MOTHER OF PEARL I FORGOT TO PUT MY BRA ON!

I was already late to work and had to leave right at 4 for a doctor’s appt so I knew I couldn’t run home and get it. I began thinking of all the ways I could construct a bra in the office: paperclips, duct tape, printer tape, you name it, I was trying to build-a-bra. (Parents-this is NOT the same fun game as build-a-bear)

So I walked around the office the rest of the day like an embarrassed 13-year old with her arms crossed across her chest. I was certain that no one would notice. Afterall, I’m not that well endowed. Well at around 1:30 I was taking the trash out and a dear coworker of mine decided to spark up a lovely conversation. Of course I was trying to maneuver the trash bag to hide my flippy-floppies while this coworker who will remain nameless (starts with an M and ends in -ary) says in front of a group of fellow workers, “Your boobs look saggy today.”

True Story. The end.

Epiphanies and Smores

2010-09-15T08:41:00.009-04:00

This past weekend we went to the mountains for some hiking, fishing, sleeping, and oh yeah… smores, lots of smores. The weather was gorgeous and I felt like Fall was just tapping me on my shoulder the whole time. It was 65 degrees and everywhere I looked I was reminded of how beautiful our world can be.

On Sunday I got up before everyone and meandered around the house cleaning dishes and wiping everything down. I finished cleaning and no one stirring so I looked down at the dog and decided that he and I were going to go for a hike. I grabbed my two essentials; my phone and my coffee. I grabbed my phone in case I ran into Smokey the Bear on the trail and needed to send a picture message to the hubby so he’d believe that I could indeed outrun a bear. I grabbed my thermos of coffee because… well, Smokey would run away from me if he had to deal with me without my coffee.

We walked up to the top of the mountain just enjoying the scenery along the way. When we reached the top there was a bench overlooking the breathtaking horizon with too many mountains to count. I sat down and just soaked it all in. It was a bit cloudy out but I noticed there was a small patch of sun on one of the mountains. The entire mountain range was dark except this one bright spot of sun. I stared at that bright spot and thanked the Lord that even though our life can be full of darkness, He still can give us a bit of hope, a little bit of light to keep us going.

I sat and watched my dog run strategically through the grass making sure to spook up any birds along the way. It was one of those moments in life that made me realize how blessed I am. All of the darker things that were on my mind when I began my hike were replaced with the lighter things. I was grateful for so much. I was on top of a mountain, I had a healthy body to get me up to the top, and I had a belly full of smores from the night before… ok fine, I may have had one for breakfast as well. I looked out at the mountain range again and noticed that the light spot had taken over the entire mountain. There was no more darkness. I chuckled to myself because I felt like God and I just shared an inside joke.

So I hiked back down and rewarded myself with another smore.

Excuse the camera work, all I had was my camera phone!

When life hands you a barrel roll...

2010-09-13T21:48:00.006-04:00

Yeah you heard me. When life hands you a barrel roll... you say YEE HAW!

I had one of the most amazing experiences of my life last Friday. There was an airshow that came through town over the weekend. The company that I work for was sponsoring it so a few of us got to go "ride in an airplane" on Friday. So we walk onto the air strip all bushy eyed and bright tailed... wait, I got that wrong. Anyways, we get to ride in the T6 WWII Aeroshell planes. We approach the pilots and I looked at their chest (get your mind out of the gutter). Right there on the right side of their uniform is a badge that says, "Aeroshell Aerobatics Team".

That's strange. Oh well, they must have earned that in boy scouts.

We introduce ourselves to the pilots and we crawl.. yes crawl... into our planes. Now, I grew up flying with my father in his biplane so I was not scared of this joyride. We took off, things were all as it should be. I was able to gaze down at the ground and really soak in the experience. I felt peace wash over me. Then over my little radio I hear the pilot say, "Hold on girl, the tricks are about to start."

I'm sorry, what now?

"The tricks, hold on."

The next thing I know the plane starts to nose dive towards the ground only to immediately pull back up and... wait for it.... FLIP UPSIDE DOWN!!!

I did not get the memo that we would be doing air tricks. We were flipping, doing log rolls around each other, the three planes were freakishly close, and every time I thought we were evenly leveled, we would do another flip or roll.

My brain hurt. I was unprepared but you know what, in the middle of that first flip I was given a choice. I could vomit... believe me it was an option, the sushi I had for lunch was a terrible idea. Or, I could yell YEE HAWWWW and enjoy every minute. I decided to holler YEEE HAWWW at the top of my lungs several times over. I was laughing hysterically because I thought we were going on a quiet little flight over my hometown when unbeknownst to me, I was a part of an aerobatics airshow. I loved it.

Life is that way. We can choose to roll with the punches and ride whatever crazy ride life has thrown at us OR we could live in fear of losing control. Lets embrace this lack of control shall we? When life hands you a barrel roll...

That's me!

September 11

2010-09-12T19:38:00.002-04:00

Good afternoon friends, if you'd like to see my post on September 11, visit

http://threelittlearmywives.blogspot.com/

Gone for the weekend

2010-09-10T17:26:00.003-04:00

I came into the living room one morning and this is what I saw. Roy was really committed to dreaming about basketball.

I'm headed out of town for the weekend for some R&R! But don't worry, you'll be on my mind.

Are we there yet?

2010-09-09T22:41:00.007-04:00

A girlfriend and I were talking about how difficult it can be when you’re making a decision for your family. The difficult part is the communication and the infamous waiting process between you and your spouse. (I really wish I could have played scary music while you read waiting process).

Let’s just say that patience is a virtue I’m working towards… ok fine, daily. AM I PATIENT YET?! I digress, I heard the funniest thing the other day that my friend Andrea told me. We both almost bought a lifetime supply of Depends because we were laughing so hard we thought our bladders were conspiring against us. “Women are DSL while men are dial up.”

I’ll let you laugh a bit more.

I know, I’m sorry you can hear my cackling all the way from where you are.

It’s funny because it’s true! When I think I have the right answer for our decision or I have a desire on my heart, I’m ready to go! I’ve already made the list, planned the escape route, planned my outfit, and planned for spandex to wear during my escape route.

Meanwhile, hubby is taking his sweet time doing ridiculous things like praying about this said desire or decision. Hmmm.

I am a firm believer in communication in general, but especially between husband and wife. So, I of course, voiced my desire to sweet hubby. He listened. He heard me. He asked me to trust him.

24 Hours later…. I voice my desire to hubby again. He listened. He heard me. He asked me to trust him.

12 Hours later…. I thrice (is that a word?) voice my desire to hubby. He listened. He heard me. He gave me the stank eye and told me I needed to trust him.

I realized that while I say I’ll follow my hubby anywhere and I trust him completely, my actions were not a great depiction of my vow. I had to unclench my fists that I had tightened around my plan and my desires and let them go. I have to trust that he is leading our sweet, weird family consisting of a crazy woman and a hyper dog down the right path.

And let me tell you, a quick way to a miserable marriage is to think I can manipulate him into agreeing with me or that giving him the cold shoulder will make him agree with me. Of course I have never tried such terrible tactics, I’m just guessing. You believe me right?! Right!?

Plllleeeeaaaase agree with me!!!!!!

(this tactic is also a no-go... again, not that I've ever tried it)

Stress Relief

2010-09-08T16:45:00.005-04:00

Did you know venting to a friend about a problem is a huge stress relief? It can be about something serious or why they decreased the size of my favorite pumpkin candy corn... ok the latter is my serious problem.

I vented to a friend today and immediately felt the stress slide away as she encouraged me and yelled, "I HATE THAT TOO!"

Vent. Even if you have to skype your sister or brother to do it. If that doesn't help... eat an incredibly small bag of pumpkin candy corn (I don't care what they say, anything less than a pound does me no good.)

You should know...

2010-08-31T18:35:00.002-04:00

You are worth going out on a limb for.

It might be what we’ve grown up with. It may be the media. But the fact is, some of us have never thought about pursuing our dreams or we end up talking ourselves out of an adventure. I think it's because we’re scared we won’t be worth it. There is no age limit on happiness. There is no "too late". You were fearfully and wonderfully made. You are worth it. Start now.

Chime in!

2010-08-29T07:21:00.002-04:00

My hysterical and wise friend Jude chimed in with her confidence boost on my post on insecurity. I'd love to hear the rest of yalls if you've got them! We could all use a little 'pick me up' and encouragement! Lets hear it!

(my insecurity is telling me no one will reply and leave me hanging as if I was trying to give a high-five to the cool kid in school.)

Insecurity

2010-08-26T21:28:00.000-04:00

I was having a conversation with a good friend the other day about the insecurity that weaseled its way in when we got married. Sometimes the insecurity may come in specific forms or just plain general self-loathing. However big or small, the power that insecurity has over our thoughts is ridiculous. (I tried to think of a more intelligent or sensitive word, but ridiculous is what you’re getting from me!)

I digress; this amazing friend of mine is gorgeous, talented, and married to a fabulous man. However, her insecurity made her doubt herself, her husband’s faithfulness, and even her purpose.

And the thing is, I’ve been there. I know Sam is so faithful, is solid in his faith walk and loves me so well. BUT catch me watching a horrible Lifetime movie and the next thing I know I’m wondering if Sam has been texting Angelina Jolie behind my back. Ridiculous? 100% yes. Real fear? Absolutely. Have you seen her in Tomb Raider?! Eat a doughnut woman!

I’ve been thinking about insecurity as a spouse and our fear that we will be betrayed.

And here is what has been stirring in my brain. I think Satan knows his game. He knows we have active imaginations and don’t want to believe that we’re worthy of a lifetime of loyalty and love. SO, this area is his playground. We give him a fast pass to the crazy circus inside our heads when we indulge these fears. There is a destructive part of our nature that almost takes pleasure in trying to imagine all the different ways that we’ll be betrayed. It’s like when you scratch a mosquito bite until it bleeds but it kind of feels good while you’re scratching the hell out of it.

Philippians 4:7- “And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

The more we root ourselves in that scripture, it becomes our truth. I even read in Timothy the other day that we have to practice Godliness- I forget that it’ll never come naturally.

Part of practicing Godliness is developing a plan when those thoughts creep in. It may be helpful to pray with your spouse as you experience these fears. I imagine it’s pretty powerful to have your spouse pray victory over you. That prayer automatically does a 180 degree ninja kick (I just made that up) to any fear or insecurity you are feeling.

just in case...

2010-08-19T17:31:00.004-04:00

Just in case you were feeling too serious this afternoon, you should have friends like Andrea.

http://lilkidthings.com/10-reasons-you-should-wear-a-diaper-on-your-head

What if...

2010-08-19T10:53:00.002-04:00

Take a minute today to think about what your relationships would look like if you stopped forcing your way onto them. What would they look like if you stopped expecting your version of what's "right" from them. What if you let them be who they are?

More on this tomorrow but I wanted you to marinate on it for yourselves. I just like messing with your days a bit. *enter evil laugh here*

A New Adventure!

2010-08-10T14:06:00.004-04:00

Hey sweet friends! I wanted to let you in on a new adventure I'm going on with two amazing friends of mine. Ginna, Kate, and I are going on a journey together and would love for you to be included. While I am definitely the rookie of the group, I'm so honored they would include me. We immediately experienced a deep bond that is incomparable. I remember gmail video chatting with Ginna about my million questions when Sam was accepted into the Army JAG Corp. Kate still remembers this crazy redhead (yours truly) that interrupted her conversation when I saw she was wearing her hubby's West Point sweatshirt, and I haven't left her alone since. But below explains this new adventure, please let me know if you would like to be included.

Dear Friends,

We have an idea- and we need your help!

Recently, as my husband and I entered the crossroads of deciding whether or not he should stay in the Army now that his obligations are coming to an end, I have been surprised by the number of people that ask the question "Well you want him to get out right??" I suppose I should be more clear by saying it is not the question itself, but the presumptive tone in which it is constantly delivered. And even though we have to worry about deployments and uncertainties, it bothers me that people assume our life in the Army is all bad. Consequently, several emails about this topic to my good friends and fellow Army Wives, Ginna and Martha, led to this idea:

We want to compile a collection of essays about being an Army Wife and hopefully create a book about our experiences. Right now, we are simply asking if you are interested in contributing. We would accept traditional essays, poems, letters or anything you feel shares your experience or a specific moment of your life as an Army Wife. We are also hoping for a chapter on "Homecoming" which would only be pictures of that event, because as we all know, words cannot do that moment justice! So if writing is not your thing, perhaps that is a way you could contribute. Even if you choose to share of the frustrations or sadness, the overall tone of the book is to be positive (think a type of Chicken Noodle Soup for the Army Wife's Soul if you will...).

So what to do now?

If you are interested, please email us back. At that point, we will send out a more specific letter about the process and the parameters for submissions. Also, please forward this to anyone you think might be interested. Submissions can come from anyone who was an Army Wife (or a wife in the Army!) at any time, it is not limited to active duty.

We sincerely hope you are inspired by this idea and want to share your story. As women in all different stages in our lives as Army Wives, we feel incredibly connected to each other through that experience. And we have realized it is not only important to be there for one another, but to show the world that the life of an Army Wife is full of love, pride, community and service.

We can be contacted at armywivesbook@gmail.com and we look forward to hearing from you.

Blessings,
Kate Larrabee, Ginna Van Zandt and Martha Metzler

I hope that if you know anyone that falls in the catagory of an 'Army Wife', you will pass this along to them. Or just leave a comment to let you know that as a civilian, you would be interested in what we have to share! Thanks for your support!

Brother

2010-08-04T19:17:00.003-04:00

I just felt like I should tell yall that my brother gets here in a few hours! He's the funnier, rounder, braver version of me. As my friends Michael and Carlye said after hanging out with both Bennetts, "Oh no, there's two of them." Here are a few pictures that epitomize our relationship:

Seasons

2010-08-02T19:11:00.004-04:00

I've been experiencing a season in my life which I'm not particularly fond of. It's the "I wake up each day with the realization that there's something I need to change about myself" kind of season. If you have any self-awareness, you probably have experienced that nagging feeling that there's something in your life or a behavior that you need to change. Well everyday these things I need to change are coming at me as if I was in a bubblegum fight with Willy Wonka (which would be awesome). Pride, jealously, laziness, you name it.... giant bubblegum balls being thrown at my head. I'm a big believer that if I "start on Monday" then I'll never really start. Change can't wait. So I've been actively trying to seek redemption and repentance in my life. If I keep putting off making positive change in my life, I'm telling myself and my Creator that my life isn't worth fighting for. Pretty insulting to the One who gave it all to fight for my life to begin with huh?

Final entry...

2010-07-27T09:55:00.002-04:00

.... I had soaked enough of the house in and was ready to tackle the rest of my to-do list. She asked if she could pray for me. As always I said yes. I remember when we first began meeting, I would pray with her. Only to realize it was because that is what I did with the women I met with. As progress was made, I asked her if she could be the one to pray for me. All I uttered was, "Amen." with my heart pleading the interpretation, "Let it be so." She prayed each week that my soul would begin acting as though it was broken and needed to be fixed. Each week, my heart broke and softened little by little.

I shook myself out of my dream-like retreat with an ache so real that it replaced any notion that my desire for a retreat was imaginary. I breathed in and sighed that even though that place did not exist for me except in the stitches of my imagination; perhaps one day, I can make that dream real for others.

Even if you only joined me in the retreat for this blog series, I hope to make this real for all of you one day.

The House...

2010-07-22T13:04:00.002-04:00

...It is a two-story white house with a wrap-around porch. It has black shutters and reminds me of an old farm house. It has what seemed to be two dozen windows just inviting the sun's rays to come in to rejuvenate me. In the winter we meet inside. We always meet in her living room when it is too cold to sit on the porch. There are two big, brown leather chairs in front of the fire place. The walls were a soft green that looked as though the grass and the river had come together and splashed onto the walls. For some reason, even though it was inside, I still felt as open and free as I would if we were sitting outside. Perhaps that is why I never minded when it got cold. In the warmer months, we set up shop on the porch. The back porch is adorned with 3 different wind chimes, all playing their different songs as I sang mine each week. There are 4 white rocking chairs that showed the wear and tear of the generations of women that had sat in them before me. I always inspected the arms of the chairs wondering if the hands before me had clenched as hard as I found myself doing each week.

The house is on a bluff overlooking the river. With thousands of yards of grass leading my eyes to the river, I always felt safe in my rocking chair but with the slight eagerness to one day, have the spirit and wholeness to run as fast as I could through that grass down to the river. But for the time being, I sat on the porch with my counselor who forced me to take my time and not rush to the other side of my identity. The version of myself that I desired was waiting for me in the river but I needed to properly say goodbye to the broken version of myself first. Each week she guided me through those goodbyes. I felt I was picking petals off a flower, "I love you, I love you not. I love you, I love you not." There were parts of myself I was not sad to see go. The harder weeks were when I had to let go of the "petals" that I thought were keeping me safe. Those petals always seemed to fall a bit slower to the ground.

She knew I needed to sit on that porch and work through the mess and blurred maze I had created for myself before running down to the river. My heart had never thirsted for water so deeply...

2010-07-19T22:18:00.002-04:00

......She had seen me for months now. She knew I didn't want to embrace the lack of control I had in my life, and I most certainly did not want to look it in the face. I wish she would have answered the question for me. But this counselor knew that I had to say it out loud. The counselors in the past either filled in the blanks for me or just nodded their head as I begged for boldness. This counselor knew I needed to answer the question, so without regard for time, without frustration from weeks of asking me the same question, without discomfort in silence, she asked me to think about it longer. She waited. I waited for her to cut me slack. She waited longer. “No.” I humbly and embarrassingly answered. I was expecting a list of homework assignments or a flood of questions about "why I felt that way and how do I feel..." She stopped rocking and affirmed me but without judgment, told me that I needed to write that question she had asked on something that I could look at the rest of the week. She told me that I needed to understand who I was dying to before I started dying all over the place without reason. She said it with the perfect balance of authority and mercy that it empowered me. We had gone over an hour, but she never scheduled someone after me. We walked around her property a little while debriefing everything we had talked about. We finally reached a point when I needed to go. When we reached my car, I felt embarrassed that I could not pay her. As she does every week, she reminds me that she meets with me as a service that is “on the house”. The only thing she is strict on is that I come each Wednesday. If I have to cancel, I don’t get to see her that week. I began to see this as wisely intentional because she knew that if it wasn’t set in stone, that I would replace it with #20 on my to-do list. I gave her one last hug and took a look at the house before I left. I tried to etch it into my memory so the feeling of freedom would last me until the next Wednesday.

Part III

2010-07-16T23:17:00.003-04:00

.... She has not said a whole sentence yet, I thought to myself. She was silent. She was in tune with where I was in my life and the journey I was going on through my heart. I collapsed into my chair. We start rocking, sipping tea, and I begin to tell her how I tired I am. For the next 45 minutes or so, I have painted a picture of what my week looked like, explained everyone I met with, explained the things I had sacrificed, and how exhausted I was at not understanding a balance between giving myself to my community and knowing who I was without that self-appointed role.

Here is why I come back to this porch and this woman week after week. She looked at me and said quite compassionately but matter-of-factly, “Do you think you are noble for doing all of those things? Do you think you are noble for dying to yourself? Who are you dying to Martha?” I of course fired back that I’m dying to my calling and to Jesus. This woman knows when I have taught myself a truth that is in fact, not true. “Are you?” she asked. Again, the silence.

2010-07-14T20:21:00.002-04:00

This is continued from my previous post about my own personal Sandals Resort that happens inside of my head:

On a Wednesday, when the week seems as though it should be over, I got into my car and drove over to my counselor’s house. This was no ordinary house. This was an old house she had bought years ago to be a safe place for burnt-out women to come and be refreshed. Her parents had passed and left her an inheritance for her to make her dream come true: having a private practice out in the country to serve the over-serving women. I admired the fact the house was in an indirect way, a gift to her. I suppose I just saw in her face the appreciation and respect because she did not feel as though she “owned” it. I drove down the long, gravel driveway lined with trees. It was just long enough for me to enjoy the butterflies in my stomach about sitting in that rocking chair on the porch and marinating on the hard questions she will ask me for the day. I finally reach the house, I get out and she is waiting for me on the porch. She has a giant smile across her face and a mug of hot Russian Tea waiting for me. She is around 55 years old. She has been married 20 years with 2 children that were getting close to my age. She loved dogs and there were two constantly at the house. They had become part of our counseling sessions. I enjoyed that she shared just enough about herself and her life experiences so that I could trust her and identify with her. But she never shared too much so that I would not feel as though the sessions were about her.

I tried to pace myself so I didn’t seem over-eager, but my face told it all. She had learned to understand when I needed her to listen and when I needed her to speak hard truth into my life. She knows today is a day she needs to do both. As a counselor, I tried to nail down her theory of choice, perhaps in order to have some sort of control in my sessions with her. But, I could never nail one down. She used an eclectic approach, combining different aspects from Rogerian to Behavioral, depending on what I needed that day. She greets me with a hug and we walk around the wrap-around porch to the back. The back porch overlooks the river. She calmly and confidently sits down her in rocking chair waiting for me to start talking. I wasn't sure I wanted the silence to end.

Retreat

2010-07-13T21:01:00.002-04:00

Several years ago I wrote an essay about my ideal retreat. I needed to escape to a safe, therapeutic place. I described my dream counseling experience. I felt it tugging at my heart to share it with you... in pieces MUAAHHA.

So here is the first installment. I hope you can sit back with a cup of tea and retreat with me.

“Can it really only be Wednesday?” I asked myself. It was the longest week I had experienced in a long time. School was crashing down on me, the women I met with were all at hard crossroads, my job was pressuring me to fulfill a role I did not want to fill, and I had not sat down with my husband to have a real conversation in a week. I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday. I had gotten home from work, exhausted, and sat down on the couch to write. The minute I hit the couch, tears started pouring from my eyes. I felt as though I was in over my head. I felt ignored. I feared I was doomed for a life without self-exploration and care. The only thing I could think about was escaping to a place where someone would actually pour into me instead. The counselor wanted counseling. No, the counselor needed counseling. My mind began to dream about this place I could escape to. I looked in my wallet at my insurance card. “Does not cover mental health services” was written in red ink across the back. I was left alone to my dreaming once again. I took off my boots, pulled my legs up near my chest, pulled a blanket around my shoulders and began dreaming about my retreat.

Some days...

2010-07-08T20:07:00.003-04:00

Some days you have to bet on yourself. All chips in, no fear.

I hope you know you have the winning hand. And if you don't? Fake it.

Indulge yourself!

2010-07-05T19:27:00.001-04:00

Take today (hopefully it's a day off) to be goofy and indulgent! It feels good to act like a kid, eat candy without worrying about fitting into your bathing suit, laugh at America's Funniest Home Videos, and feel as though you can accomplish anything as long as you're given the right-a-way. Please see below for my plans... those poor party favors never saw it comin!

Guest!

2010-06-29T12:35:00.003-04:00

Hey people! I'm a guest blogger today for my friend Andrea's amazing blog, http://lilkidthings.com/

You should read her blog regularly since half of America already does :) She's been my blog muse.

Check it out!

Found Fruit!

2010-06-28T20:54:00.002-04:00

One of the perks of having an old house is finding the different "crops" that have been planted before us. Last year as I was weeding underneath the porch, I found a pumpkin! A pumpkin Charlie Brown! And yesterday as my hubbs was mowing the lawn, he found a blackberry bush on the side of house! I obviously immediately ran out with a bowl to fill it with the goodness that awaited me. After a few shrieks from briars and ants, I filled my bowl with the fruit of someone else's labor.

I started thinking about the person that planted the blackberry bush and wondered if they were able to enjoy the fruit. I also wondered how they'd feel if they were watching me shove the blackberries into my mouth by the handful without lifting a finger to work on the garden they built. I don't know why but I feel like this person, I like to call her Miss Berrybottom, would rejoice that I was enjoying the fruit. Why work so hard on something if others can't enjoy it? I need to work on that. I tend to hold my "projects" so tightly in my hand and when others do enjoy it, I might as well have hired a plane to fly over them with a banner shouting that yours truly had done the work.

What if we were silent servants? What if we labored without seeking recognition and the only reward we wanted was for others to experience joy? Life would be full of happy souls finding blackberry bushes.

Pride

2010-06-21T20:19:00.003-04:00

Don't let your pride swallow you today. Do you have something to apologize for?

I did. And I wasn't humiliated when I asked for forgiveness. I was set free and opened a conversation that needed to happen. When the conversation deepened, so did the relationship.

Just try it. You can write it, sing it, say it, or sign it. Or mime it? Whatever you do, just say you're sorry. It'll be worth it.

Four Years!

2010-06-10T23:11:00.006-04:00

It's been a hilarious, humbling, amazing (bet you thought I was going to use another H word) four years with this guy. Happy Anniversary...... what were we doing at this time four years ago? *Insert immature snicker here*

Remember the good ole times

2010-05-31T17:39:00.004-04:00

I sat on the loveseat today staring at my handsome husband on the opposite couch. I just started thanking the Lord for specific things about our marriage. Sam loves me despite all of my quirks.

He loves that I never wear matching socks.

He loves that even when its 90 degrees outside, I wear my cowboy boots.

He loves that I hate to iron, so he wears Joseph Banks Travelers shirts.

He loves my cooking.

He knows that I love to snuggle... until we get too hot, and then we lay on opposite couches.

He secretly loves that I need candy. Yes I said need.

He loves that I'm a goofball and like dance parties when I think he won't be home for awhile. He also loves catching me doing my best Running Man in the kitchen.

He loves that my soul has to be outside and he knows I love walking around the river house property with him and Roy the dog.

He loves that I wear weird hats.

He loves my different voices. And he never tells me when my impressions are bad.

He loves when I sing.

Even when things are hard in a relationship, I hope you take the time to remember what love feels like. Remember the things that are right and good with your love. Lets just be honest, I'm a lot happier when I remember the good things instead of when I made him mad by spilling something and pretending it didn't happen... I mean, the dog usually gets it right?

Remember the things your spouse or significant other loves about you because you'll want to make them fall in love with you all over again; fix their favorite meal, wear the outfit that he loves and you hate, and in the end... your cup will be overflowing with love for them.

Thanks for loving me Sammy.

Woman Up

2010-05-28T23:17:00.003-04:00

So, I always hear the phrase, "Man up!" but I always think to myself, "Self, that makes just about as much sense as 'you can't have your cake and eat it too'. They are already male. And I don't want them to jump up." I mean, can we pause for a second and just try and understand the idiot that came up with the phrase, "You can't have your cake and eat it too." WHAT THE DONKEY ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?! We're not on Double Dare, I'm not going to use to slime someone! Come on! If I have a cake, I'm going to eat it. I don't care what you say.

I digress. I think about all of the "man ups" and the "woman ups" because I think about how we so often spend all of our pep talks on others and forget to give ourselves the pep talk. Granted, every time the alarm goes off I give myself a good ole "Go for the gold Metzler!" but how about when I start to ponder pursuing dreams or being a good wife or a good neighbor? Where's my pep talk then? It gets covered up by the negativity, laziness, and fear. But I hear myself telling people all the time to persevere, woman up, and grab hold of their bravery. But where is mine? Do we as women hold up others' dreams and potential in place of our own? Don't hear me wrong, that's not a blanket question, it's for the individual. I know in my life, it's safer to spend my encouragement on others so that I don't have to deal with the excuses I've made in my own life.

Now I'm going to go eat cake and you can't stop me.

Memorial Day

2010-05-28T12:35:00.001-04:00

I will post my own Memorial Day tribute but here is my sweet friend Kate's for your reading pleasure.

http://daffoldilshope.blogspot.com/2010/05/happy-memorial-day.html

So proud!

2010-05-17T10:18:00.005-04:00

He has graduated and I'm married to a stud lawyer! He was even surprised with being a part of the "Order of the Barristers"... which I'm sure is important. I'm so proud of my man.

Hurdle

2010-05-14T13:50:00.003-04:00

I'm writing this post spontaneously so that I don't cheat you of the raw emotion I've been feeling. My husband is graduating law school this weekend. I finished grad school this weekend. I should be walking with my friends across a stage in a goofy robe but instead, I won't get to do that because I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding and missed an overnight retreat (though it's zero credit hours) that is needed in order to graduate. Cognitively, I know I should be celebrating my completion of grad school with Sam. However, in my heart, there is a pain that I can't hold a diploma until after January when I go to the school slumber party. I've been focused on finishing and now that I have, there is something missing. I sat down today for the first time in awhile and almost burst into tears. So, since apparently I'm afraid my tears are made of acid, I immediately stood up and started cleaning the house. Then I emailed my friend Ashleigh who normally knows what to say to me when I don't allow myself to experience my emotions. This is what she had to say in so many words:

Of course you're going to feel a little let down that you and Sam can't share this moment together. It makes sense and is normal! But here's what I would do (and of course this doesn't mean its the right way to handle it, but it would help me)... I would wallow in the disappointment for 10 minutes, possibly have a good healthy cry. After 10 minutes eat a nerd rope and drink a Red Bull. Next, I would praise God that school work is OVER!!!!!! Praise that He got you through. And (as weird as it sounds) praise Him for giving you a hurdle (ie, that stupid retreat) that brought you to your knees and got you closer to Him! ! I know this school fiasco has been so difficult for you, but you continue to blow me away with the grace you have kept through it all! I'm so proud of you. Finally, I would have a discussion with Sam about making this a special moment for you too!!

I know you too well, and I know that you will get all caught up in Sam's pomp and circumstance and forget about your needs.... DONT DO THAT!! make sure you are celebrated too!!! I love ya MarthaB. I celebrate you!! I praise God for a dear friend like you. ::BIG HUG::

Now, go eat so much sugar you get the diabetes...

Now, of course, I immediately followed her instructions. Then I got in the car and heard these lyrics to a song, "Here in surrender, in pure adoration. I keep my eyes fixed ever on Jesus' face. Let not the things of this world ever sway me. I'll run till I finish the race." I cannot let my Masters hold my value. I cannot let policy run my outlook on my life and my ministry. This hurdle is allowing me to place my hope, my value, and my plans around what God has laid out for me. No one else. Now, if you excuse me, I have an appointment to celebrate my husband, my completion of graduate school, and processed sugar.

Sometimes you just gotta make the moments...

2010-05-10T19:41:00.003-04:00

Tonight is a Monday night. It's usually the night that Sam and I eat left overs, watch NOTHING on TV, and veg out on the couch... you know, from all the exhaustion of starting another week over. But instead, we decided to make a memory. We opened a bottle of wine that we'd be saving since our wedding. Our friend Julie (what's up Sessoms!) gave us a bottle of wine from Spain and we have been saving it for something special. Well, tonight was a night that we decided to make special. We fixed supper together, we brought all of the food outside on the back porch, and sipped our fancy bottle of wine. We talked about our days, politics, how we don't know what good wine tastes like, dreams, fears, and how weird our dog is. It could have been just another Monday mundane night.

Sometimes, you can't wait for the memories, you have to make them. I'm going to go write some Hallmark cards now... or maybe an inspirational poster for some kid's graduation.

Something to share this morning

2010-05-08T08:08:00.002-04:00

A friend had this on his blog and I've watched it a few times this morning, crying each time. I think it's so moving. I've had some conversations about race this week that have caused my heart to break. My friend Becca and her adopted son, Sammy, were spit at this week. Just read her story because every time I try and tell it I feel a rage boiling in me. We cannot hide in our suburban neighborhoods any longer. We have to pray against hate together. We have to fight against injustice together. So watch this, let me know your thoughts. I think it's so powerful and raw.

Hope

2010-05-05T07:07:00.004-04:00

I've been getting emotional this week because Sam has finished law school and I will be done with grad school next week! I'm not emotional because it's over, because sweet Lord I've been waiting for this since the 2nd week we started this whole 3 year grad school journey. I think I'm emotional because I realize we'll be starting the lives that we have been talking about for these three years. Lives that revolve around our dreams that we've worked for, seeing each other more consistently, and treasuring time that we have before Sam leaves. I've also been marveling at my husband's call to our country. He could have immediately started applying to law firms or the DA's office but instead, he wanted to serve. I'm completely and fearfully in love with that.

I've been so clueless to this process of joining the Army but I've been so blessed recently to have new friends in my life to guide me through it. We've met these amazing new friends, Kate and Kevin who live down the road. Kevin is in the Army and stationed at Wake teaching ROTC. Kate is this graceful and hilarious wife and mother who has become my butcher shop guru, wine partner, interior decorator, and an instant girlfriend who I could talk to forever.

My friends Tyler and Ginna are stationed in Alaska. Ginna has been so patient with me and even video chats with me when I'm having question overload. She is so encouraging and I've attached her recent post about Tyler's job. It brought tears to my eyes because I can't wait to hear Sam love his job like that. And I can't wait to strive to be the wife that Ginna is.

http://gtvz.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-convoy-is-best-tvz.html

Ok enough with the gushy stuff, here is my point. God's will never takes you where His grace doesn't cover you. When Sam started the application process and then accepted his position with the Army, I felt very alone and helpless. I knew nothing about this life and let fear take over. God intervened by placing a community around me before it even started!! Most people talk about the community you have on post, but I've been able to experience it right now. God knew that I needed that and His grace covered me. Lets all trust that where God's will takes us, no matter what crazy journey that may be, we can rejoice that Grace protects us and comforts us.

My trip to Starbucks

2010-05-04T06:51:00.002-04:00

Ok, this is not going to be a serious post. In fact, this may bring me down in your books (I like to think you write about me in your diary) a bit. I was writing a paper last night and couldn't focus because my husband's hot body laying on the couch like a giant flank steak was beckoning me to snuggle and watch 1 of the 8,000 Johnny Depp movies that was on TV. So, I thought, "Hey, you used to go to Starbucks in college and write papers! Maybe that'll work!" So I went. Here is what I noticed in the 2 hours I was there... besides the fact that I won't go back any time soon.

1. Ladies, tights are NOT pants. I don't care how cool your tshirt is, no one is looking at it because we're all afraid that you'll get a run in your tights and we'll see your wonderland.

2. It is weird if you have a pornographic desktop background up for everyone to see. It's even weirder that the pornographic desktop background is of yourself. Just you.

3. Why are you a loud talker? Are you afraid the guy you're talking to won't hear you over the deafening silence that some of us like to call, peace?

4. How do toes fit into those cowboy boots that point upwards at a 90 degree angle at the toe?

5. Have I mentioned that tights aren't pants?

6. Why, when I am the only one sitting inside, clearly studying, and all the tables are empty; Do you, Lady Luck on the cell phone sit down next to me and giggle with your greased up suitor about who are you talking to on the phone? Why? So many other tables where you could sit...

7. When did Starbucks baristas start wearing Starbucks arm bands? Are they going to come play music in my garage later?

8. How many times can they play the She & Him album in the few hours I was here? Oh good you want an answer... thrice.

Living by Faith

2010-04-27T07:22:00.003-04:00

Are we living by faith? I was reading this morning and was struck by a verse in Scripture. It's Romans 1:17, "The righteous will live by faith."

Even on my best day; when my outfit matches, my jeans fit, I'm running because I want to be healthy not because when I pointed at something my arm continued to move like butterscotch jello, dinner is healthy and on the table on matching plates, I didn't curse like a sailor (in my head or out loud), I was respectful to Sam, I read the Bible and prayed.... I can't claim righteousness over myself. So I immediately started asking myself, "How am I not living by faith?"

When everything falls down around me, do I believe I will be caught?

When everything is going a little too well, am I waiting for the bottom to fall out?

Do I rejoice in transformation or keep second guessing that I've been redeemed?

When a dream is laid on my heart, do I go for it or immediately think of reasons that I'd fail or it wouldn't be "practical" ... I know the answer to that one since I'm wearing my PJs with giant slippers on my couch having full conversations with my dog instead of playing my music for people to hear or traveling with an improv comedy group.

Do I believe that I've been made for a purpose? With gifts that are unique to my life and very existence?

Do I believe that no matter how I'm feeling, the God I worship and His Truth never change?

I pray that we all start living by faith. There is so much life that we are missing because we're living by false facts or insecurity. Lets experience faith together... "The righteous will live by faith."

Weeds

2010-04-17T17:56:00.004-04:00

A few months ago I prayed a scary prayer. I prayed that God would lead me into a holy life. I prayed that God would transform my broken life into a life that honors Him. I knew as I prayed that prayer I would experience a lot of opposition within myself.

Since I prayed that prayer, I have never been so aware of my sin and my short comings. Every day I stare my sin in the face. It’s like this annoying after-school special going on in my head every time I’m tempted to gossip, lie, be lazy, be judgmental, eat 4 bags of Chewy Sprees... you get the idea. All day long I realize without grace, I’d be forced to listen to Carl Winslow’s voice in my head point out how I’m a failure and how I need to make better life choices.

thanks carl...

Every day I realized that with humility comes a crossroad. I could either let my short comings and failures make me insecure and put me inside my own grave that I’ve built inside of my brain. Or I could feel freedom from my unreasonable expectations and finally be a piece of clay. I need to stop taking my humility inwards and start pushing it outwards to the cross.

Yes I’m still wrestling everyday but God help me if the day comes on this side of Heaven when I’m not wrestling to be a better person. God help me if I’m not constantly evaluating my life and the aspects of it that keep me from growing... and taking actions to weed them out.

What weeds are there in your life that prevent you from growing?

Work

2010-04-15T07:08:00.003-04:00

There are a lot of unjust things happening around us. I really believe that we are called to fight against them. Of course it's easier to sit on my couch, watch 30 Rock, and drink coffee... but that's not why we are here. Let me say that again, that is not why we are here. We are here to make a difference. We are here to fight for people who can't fight for themselves. We are here to be a light in the darkness.

Ephesians 2:10: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Please do not tire from doing what is right, we are created to do right day after day. To help, to work, to labor with love... day after day.

In the meantime...

2010-04-11T15:14:00.004-04:00

I have a lot on my mind this week, a lot of conviction that is clouding my sanity. I even told my husband today that if I could make fireballs, I'd throw one at his head. Luckily, we both laughed. Insane woman, party of one....

So, I'll leave you with some excellent advice that came to my mind today as I completely went against it.

Before you say anything out of anger to someone you love, think about your favorite memory with them. Live in this memory, soak in its sweetness. Then say what you need to say but I bet your interaction will be a bit different and won't leave as big of a scar as it inevitably would have.

More to come this week about humility and it leading us to the foot of the cross instead of into our own self-loathing.

Simplicity

2010-04-05T15:00:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter everyone, I hope you felt and experienced the freedom that the Resurrection brings you every day... not just on Easter.

Some of our closest friends, Ashleigh and Justin came to spend the weekend with us. We were walking through the woods and started discussing our need for simplicity.

When is the last time you sat in silence? The last time you went an entire day without the television on? Do you spend a lot of time browsing the Internet for hours at a time... with the TV on... while texting? Yeah, me too.

Perhaps our culture of efficiency and mass production has forced us out of truly experiencing moments and into multi-tasking our way into exhaustion. We spent the weekend walking through the woods, making music, discussing the world's problems and how we can actually take part in making the world better, and playing hilarious outdoor games. Not once was the TV turned on or a computer picked up. It was refreshing and empowering. I hope you take time to pursue simplicity in your life. I know I will try and live in the reality that even if I am stripped of everything I own, I have everything I need to live a full and simple life.

Expectations

2010-03-31T08:44:00.004-04:00

You want to know when the best moment of my marriage was? The richest time of friendship? It was when I released Sam and my friends from my expectations. The times when I felt most connected to my family? It was when I didn't force them into the roles that I wanted them to be in.

Expectations; we all have them. We all have this secret list of expectations for our spouse or friends or family. We trick them into a contract saying they should know what we're thinking, what we need, etc. It's not their job to fulfill these expectations or fit into our idea of who they should be... ESPECIALLY when they don't even know this contract exists! I found myself getting disappointed or angry when this contract was breached. "How dare he not know that I secretly wanted to watch a movie tonight!" or "How dare she not know I wanted to go dancing!" or "How dare she not ask how my day was!" You get the idea.

Lets give our relationships room to breath! I need to take ownership over my expectations and realize no one else should have to carry that burden.

Take off your training wheels

2010-03-29T09:53:00.004-04:00

Hey yall, sorry I've been MIA. Sam and I along with some our best buds ran the Cooper River Bridge Run in Charleston this past weekend so last week my brain was already at the beach.

Last weekend I did entertainment (aka act like a fool and try and make women laugh) at a women's retreat for a Greensboro church. During a break, a discussion was brought up by a woman as she asked "Why can't we let go of these negative things in our life that we know will set us free?"

I've been marinating on that question ever since. I can't say that the answer I came to is universal, but it's my answer to my story, and it may be to yours.

I have certain fears that if I trace the root, are stemming from desires of my heart. For instance, I have a fear of failure which is linked to my desire for success. When my desire for success is threatened, I take action by trying to control everything in my life, being a slave to competition, envying what I don't have, or just plain being ruthless. These are negative things in my life. If I were to let go of these negative aspects of my life and relinquish my fear of failure... would I be free or would complete mayhem break loose. Both.

Can't both be sweet?

Being in control and not releasing the negative things in our life makes us feel safer. Imagine your life being on training wheels. By keeping training wheels on your life: you are in control, you're stable, you're safe... but you're secretly chicken. If you take those training wheels off: you could fall, you could wobble, or you could go as fast and as free as you can... but you're not in complete control.

I've been praying of ways that I can take the training wheels off of my life and really release the negative aspects that are keeping my life captive of fear. I'm not planning as much. I'm realizing that I can protect myself from failure to some extent... but do I want to? By protecting myself from failure, aren't I protecting myself from true success and freedom? My life has been on training wheels - I'm not falling but I'm not going fast and free either. That may be too abstract but man, in my heart it rings true.

There have been times in my life when I've been in control. There have been times in my life when I haven't. In looking back, the richest times and the times in which life was truly life... I wasn't in control. God is the Author of my story. I don't want to stifle it with my constant editing. I know it is completely against what society is telling me... don't be in control? Are you kidding?

But I'd rather take the training wheels off and have a few scars and know what it is like to have the wind blowing through my hair and see the trees zoom past me in all of their colors than to leave this world scratch-free.

Comparison

2010-03-18T07:18:00.004-04:00

We have all grown up hearing the phrase, "Comparison is the thief of joy" but it was usually accompanied with me stealing my friend Eliza's toys at her own birthday party.

In high school, I was pretty average. I was never a natural athlete. But I was surrounded by athletes like my friend Darien. I wanted to run down a soccer field and look svelte doing it like her. Instead I wore spandex on the volleyball court and did my best sausage-casing impression.

I was never a well rounded artist like my friends Liz and Kristen who were the epitome of triple threats. We called ourselves the Three Amigos. They were these tall, thin bombshells who could paint, dance, sing, you name it. I could sing and act... most of the time. But I wanted their gifts. From the age of 5, I was the Martin Short of the Three Amigos... and I let it steal my joy.

So I've started running more seriously the past few years of my life. I am not fast. I'm not long and lean. But I can run for a long time. If you remember, I ran a half marathon with my Energizer Bunny cousin on Valentine's weekend. Well 2 weeks after that, I ran another half marathon with my father. Crazy? Yes. Fun? Yes. I took my time on the 2nd one and knew that my time would be slower than the first race. Well for some reason, as I was looking around at all of these gorgeous and fast runners speeding by me, my joy was threatened. But I remembered that saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy". I was crossing the finish line for the second time in two weeks, felt strong, and refused to allow my joy to be stolen.

We have our own stories. We have our own gifts, our own accomplishments, our own communication styles, our own goals, and our own relationships. No one can take those away. Your joy doesn't have to be stolen; grab hold.

Quadruple Coupons!

2010-03-14T06:28:00.003-04:00

Ok I lied. I don't even think there is such a thing as quadruple coupons at Harris Teeter. BUT, just a test, did you get too excited over that? I have a feeling I'm not going to make any new friends with this post... but I shall proceed.

Matthew 6:21, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

This verse always kicks me straight in the gut. I'm not picking on coupon ladies, so please don't hit me with your coupon binders. But do we get too excited about things that pass like coupons or a new Patty Griffin album or the Oscars or a new shirt? Or even worse, do we run up to strangers and share the great news that it is SUPER DOUBLES at Harris Teeter or TWENTY DOLLAR JEANS AT OLD NAVY (did I just get too excited typing that? maybe...)?

That is what our treasure is. I couldn't stop talking to my neighbor about our awesome new chicken coop and the new Patty Griffin album. Did I tell him about my life? How God has changed it? How much he deserves to be loved? No. I talked about how track #3 was amazing and life changing. Blurgh.

How much time do I spend reading reviews for albums? Making my grocery list to see how many coupons I can use or how many recipes I can make that include chicken? Or checking to see what my third grade bestie was doing on New Years on facebook...OMG LOL? That is what my treasure is.

I know that it takes a lot to have a reality check with yourself about where your heart is. But man, I don't want my heart to be in those temporary things, those unfulfilling things (sorry Patty, but for real, call me if you need a backup singer), and those cheap treasures. I want my treasures and my heart to rest in my Author.

Come treasure hunting with me. And no, Old Navy is not on the way.

My plea

2010-03-13T09:07:00.001-05:00

Please don't sit in the front of the TV today...IT IS GORGEOUS OUTSIDE!

The end.

Personality

2010-03-10T15:02:00.001-05:00

I'm in a class right now that detailed the different personality results, specifically Myers-Briggs. I have always felt as though there were these negative aspects of my personality. I'm too free-spirited. I am too impulsive. I make decisions based on my gut feelings even if they don't necessarily make sense. All of these fall into my Myers-Briggs results of ESFP. However, this weekend my professor challenged me to not see these personality results as "defects" as I always had, but to see that God made me this way. I've been reflecting on that idea all week.

Why do we always assume some of our characteristics are negative if they are different or unique. I was praying through some of the characteristics about myself such as my impulsive nature that I had thought were negative or embarrassing. I felt like God was telling me that those were my "soul markings". I should rejoice in my soul markings, even if they aren't listed in the world's characteristics that lead to success.

What are your soul markings? Are you resisting them? What if you started embracing them and allowing them to be a part of your work style, conflict management style, communication styles, whatever it may be. I'm going to start embracing mine. You may never see me on the cover of Forbes magazine, but you'll probably see me handing out autographed Glamour Shots of myself in the mall because I decided it was a good day for a prank.

Grateful

2010-03-06T16:04:00.001-05:00

I have found the key to life... just kidding.

In all seriousness, I have found the root of a lot of my anxiety, jealousy, anger, bitterness... all of those fun emotions that I feel on a cloudy day or when I read my People magazine.

Ungratefulness.

When I’m in a bad mood, whether justified or just because I had to eat oatmeal instead of Krispy Kreme...I’m ungrateful. I change my thoughts towards being grateful that I have food to eat when I’m hungry. When I’m grumpy, I stop and list the things that I’m grateful for and I feel the bad mood melting away.

When I’m jealous of someone’s opportunities, clothes, income, family, etc. I stop and thank God for all the blessing He has given me. Thank you God that we have an amazing adventure ahead of us without the boredom of consistency. Thank you God that I am have clothes to put on my back that match... most of the time. Thank you God that even though the math doesn’t add up, our bills get paid and we still have luxuries.

When I’m angry at someone I try and stop and be thankful that I have amazing relationships in my life and that my soul and heart are alive enough to feel injustice.

When I’m anxious I stop and thank God that He is in control of my life. Even though I am disorganized and scatter brained, instead of thinking it to be a curse I stop and thank God that He made me that way and put people in my life to color-code my planner.

Think about all of the burdensome emotions that you feel. Try countering them with a sense of gratefulness.

Thank you that even though my car smells like Chick-Fil-A and dog, it works.

Thank you that I have a job to go to, a messy house to come home to, and candy to give me cellulite. I’m grateful.

Guilty as charged

2010-03-03T08:06:00.002-05:00

I try to pick up lawyer terms from my husband and just throw them out in conversation. For instance, when one of my students told me that I misspelled something on a quiz, I looked at him and yelled, "ERRONEOUS ON ALL COUNTS!" After I read Don Miller's blog post on being a slave to a jury of my peers, I was humiliated, heart broken, and left with no choice but to steal it and put it on my blog for you to read as well. After reading his post, I realized that I'm guilty of thinking about the worldly consequences of my sin from my jury of peers instead of falling on my knees in front of my God in repentance. Here is what Don Miller says:

A Slave to Public Opinion. False Redemption and a Jury of Peers

by DON on MARCH 2, 2010

Not long ago I was having a conversation with a friend who happened to be a Christian. My friend is a writer, and a very smart man. During the conversation, I noticed he kept explaining why he was right. I wanted to test him a bit, I suppose, so I asked him a hard question, essentially, seeing if he would be vulnerable and admit he was human and made mistakes. My friend looked uncomfortable and answered the question carefully, with just enough self-deprecation to get around looking self-righteous, but very quick to explain why he technically had never struggled with the issue at hand. After about an hour of this, I looked at my friend and told him he sounded like a tortured soul. I was being kind. Honestly, my friend sounded like a slave. And not a slave to God, a slave to public opinion, specifically, Christian public opinion. He had replaced Jesus with a jury of his peers, and he lived his life to make a case for that jury as to why he was a Godly man.

To be fair, my friend is a very moral man. And to be even more fair, I am being judgmental, to some degree, not because I am saying he has a false God, (there is nothing judgmental about making an observation) but because I honestly respect him a little less. He seems spiritually and emotionally unhealthy.

The truth is, there is one judge, and God does not look around to your friends to ask their opinions.

We were designed so our identity would be affirmed in a relationship with God. In other words, my feelings of self worth do not come from within me, they come from an external source. That source was supposed to be God. But in the fall of man, that relationship was severed (it had to be as God could not mix or mingle with anything opposing him, not because He is a jerk, but because He actually defines what is good in the first place) and so after the fall, we continue to look for affirmation from an outside source, and that source is each other.

All you have to do is turn on your television to see this.People sing to get others to clap, they act, play sports, spend millions on plastic surgery and so on and so on. We learn from an early age that people will affirm us if we are funny or smart or submissive or controlling. Our entire personality developed because these dynamics are in play.

That said, in Christian circles, the whole game gets confusing. Christians rightly affirm Godliness, theological accuracy, Biblical literacy, morality and zeal. So the Christian learns from an early age that if he has these characteristics, a jury of his peers will affirm him. And as well they should. But the problem comes when the opinion of the jury replaces the redemption we find in God. I once confronted this same friend about a wrong he had committed, and he became intense and angry. To him, I was threatening his very survival, his ace card (morality and righteousness) in the game. If his redemption would have come from Christ, he could see himself more objectively. But instead, he was a slave to the jury of peers.

This morning I was reading in Matthew, going back over the account of the birth of Christ. I just loved how God did not seem to care what religious people thought of Him, or, for that matter, His own children. The scriptures say Mary became pregnant while engaged, but not married to, Joseph. Now this happened because Mary needed to be a virgin, to fulfill prophecy but also that the birth would be a true miracle and an unquestionable seed from God Himself. That said, though, she was, in todays language, a knocked up unwed woman. Even Joseph wanted out of the whole situation. And he wanted out because he was a righteous man, who bowed to a jury of his peers. It took an angel of the Lord to talk Joseph into going through with the wedding.

So my question to you is, are you a slave to a jury of your peers? Do you always have to explain why you are right? How much do you care what religious people think of you? When somebody else is wrong, do you jump in quickly to tell them so, making yourself feel righteous? My answer to these questions is yes, I do. Doesn’t that stink?

This is all a question of motives, I realize. Nobody is condoning sin, or saying to revolt against religious people. That said, I think we would be a bit more emotionally stable to understand self-righteousness gets us nowhere, and the jury of our peers is neither an accurate or authoritative judge. It really is a waste of your time to defend yourself to anybody but God Himself. And it’s even more of a waste of time to claim any defense other than Christ crucified.

Imagine the time and energy we would save if we actually believed this to be true.

Case and point..

2010-03-01T07:08:00.002-05:00

I had to post this because as I was in the kitchen this morning fixing coffee, this is what I saw out of my window!! This is stuff we can't miss...

Please...

2010-03-01T06:20:00.003-05:00

This is straight from some reflection time with God this morning:

Don't plow through today. Don't just "survive" it because fully experiencing this day or enjoying this day isn't on your to-do list. Stop to take it all in and see what today has in store for you. We miss a lot by getting nailed into our own agenda.

You might meet someone new, you might hear someones story because you took the time to ask, you might see (enjoy) the sunrise for the first time, you might enjoy the sunset because you're not trying to make spaghetti in record time, and you might just get to enjoy some time listening to your favorite song without cutting it off to hop out of the car into the grocery store.

How pitiful we've made our to-do lists dictate our day. I know I do it. I've turned my agenda into an idol, thinking that if I don't check all the boxes off that tomorrow will be like an episode of Double Dare trying to catch up on everything so I don't get slimed. You know what will happen if I don't go to the grocery store today? Nothing. But if I continue to ignore the blessings that I need to soak in, I'll wake up and be miserable and think I've been cheated out of a good life. Lets stop cheating ourselves.

Your voice

2010-02-23T14:45:00.002-05:00

Your voice is valuable.

Why do we stop ourselves before saying something that's on our mind? Do you immediately assume that someone else's voice has more value than yours? By fearing that others will shoot you down, you're giving their words more value than yours.

Allow there to be power in what you have to say, start talking.

Ash Wednesday

2010-02-20T07:48:00.005-05:00

I grew up in the Episcopal church and was drowned in liturgy that I didn't appreciate or didn't understand. The only thing about Sundays that I remembered was: sit, stand, kneel, rinse and repeat every 3 seconds. My brother and I had to be acolytes and I remember he'd always pass out from the "exercise" of a Sunday morning.

Sam and I have been going to non-denominational churches since college. They tend to be very contemporary in worship without a lot of liturgy. We have loved the two churches we've been a part of (Vintage21 and Salem Chapel) and felt blessed by the community and heart that goes into those churches. However, Lent season was approaching this year and I realized that I needed to be reminded of what it was about. So I went to an Ash Wednesday service at my old Episcopal church. It was so beautiful. We read prayers that had been read for generations. We kneeled in reverence to God. We sang hymns that were rich with Scripture and theology. As I walked to the altar to have the ashes put on my forehead, I looked around at the congregation. There were heads bowed in solemn pleas for atonement. There were no iphones out tweeting about what the pastor was saying or about what a good song we were singing- they were experiencing it. There was no chance for the musicians to "perform" because the one organist was hidden so only his music to God would be heard. There was no apology or reluctance from the congregation to boldly walk to the altar and have ashes placed on our foreheads because there was beauty in outwardly showing our depravity.

All of that to say, apparently my heart was needing some liturgy and reverence in this Lent season. Even though as I walked to my car with an ash cross on my forehead, I wondered how many people would think I was in a death metal band and was tempted to start throshing and doing my best screamo impression... what was I saying about needing reverence?

I left the Episcopal church for a few reasons but the main one was selfish. I was so afraid of being "boring" or too "old fashioned". So for Lent, I'm going to wear pilgrim clothes, ride the Old Spice horse to work, and give up making jokes. Starting now...

So many lessons...

2010-02-15T09:55:00.007-05:00

My cousin and I ran the Myrtle Beach Half Marathon this past Saturday! Now, I tried to pick one lesson that I learned after this weekend but I couldn't.

1. Myrtle Beach got snow... and by snow I mean a couple inches of powder that melted by noon. The race board was unanimous in still doing the race but the city of Myrtle Beach cancelled the race. The roads were COMPLETELY clear so we now affectionately call Myrtle, "Dump Water, USA". So, Friday night we could have just called it quits and gone home the next day. But, runners are resilient.... and stubborn. Everyone decided to go out and run the course anyway! There were runners everywhere. We were all cheering each other on, wearing our bibs, and even had medals given out at the finish line. Life doesn't always turn out like you plan, but my cousin, Caroline and I decided to push past the barrier and finish our goal of running the 13.1 miles.

2. Caroline is friggin fast! We both wanted to finish the race in under 2 hours. Ok, by "we" I mean Caroline because I just wanted to survive. I kept up with her to about 7.5 miles but then I had to fall back. I just found my "happy pace" but never lost sight of her. It was only because I was following my sister that I finished under 2 hours. I definitely would have stopped more often but I had my eye on Caroline in front of me. Sometimes we need to focus on the sisters that have paved the way for us to inspire us to persevere.

3. The biggest lesson I learned is that it really is all mental. At mile 9, I wanted to quit. I thought to myself, "Self, this is the dumbest thing you have ever done." My butt muscle was cramping up, I was throwing up in my mouth, I didn't have any water, and the wind was coming at me so fast and strong that I literally started running sideways. But somehow, I knew that there would be a finish line even though I believed in it as much as I believed that sugar free candy tastes the same as regular candy. Mentally, you can convince yourself to do anything you want. Test yourself.

Here is proof:

Check out a video another runner made: http://www.thesunnews.com/1224/story/1314406.html

It felt good...

2010-02-11T15:29:00.002-05:00

I heard an awesome song on the radio that made me want to dance like I was on the Mickey Mouse Club. So I pulled my car over and got out... and danced in the parking lot. I mean, I was doing pivots, kicks, and shook my hips like I was Beyonce. My arms were in the air, I was singing, pretty sure I even tried to do the moon walk when the song told me to "back it up".

The song ended, I got back in my car, didn't make eye contact with the people watching and drove away. It felt good.... life lived today, CHECK!

Constipation

2010-02-10T15:00:00.003-05:00

Ok, now that I have your attention....

I have been thinking a lot about how emotionally and expressively stunted we are. How many times have you been moved by something and your heart wants to cry but that voice inside your head keeps screaming, "KEEP IT TOGETHER!" Why do we have to keep it together? Or how often have you wanted to laugh hysterically at something but you don't want to disturb the restaurant or the rest of the party? Or hug someone who is hurting? Or yell "AMEN!" during a sermon or good worship song? Or just dance in the middle of the store when you hear your favorite song? Why do we keep stopping ourselves? I love watching Extreme Home Makeover and seeing people react to their new homes. The free souls are the ones that fall to their knees, cry, snot flying out of their nose, scream, and laugh without fear of looking embarrassed or out of control. My friend once asked me what was wrong with the people on the show that didn't react with overwhelming joy. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "They're emotionally constipated."

What is this "control" or "holding it together" getting us? Imagine what life would look like if we all lived loudly, uninhibited, and full of expression. You wouldn't live with any of the, "Oh I should have said this..." or "I wish I would have just hugged her." or "I'll just wait until I get to my car to cry so I can be alone." Instead your world will be filled with tears, loud belly laughs, embraces, passionate kisses, sacrifice... all the things life should be if it were being lived properly.

Born to Fight

2010-02-02T17:47:00.009-05:00

This is sweet little Kessler, aka "Bean" as I like to call him. He is the handsome offspring of our amazing friends Blake and Ashley Hill. A few weeks ago Kessler got RSV. It scared everyone but after a few days in the hospital, that little fighter came out strong! RSV can stick around but Kessler refused to let it keep him down. Now lets be honest, this is a little boy who only knows how to poop, eat, and sleep. But, within every fiber of his being he knew he was born to fight.

We are equipped to fight because we have the ultimate Warrior on our side. Check out Exodus 15:3 for a little kick in the rear. Too often we make ourselves the victims and we forget that we were born to fight for a full life, justice, love, holiness, and peace. Now, lets go to bed tonight with the image of Kessler in full armor leading our army like Braveheart. I'm not even going to try and hold back the laughter.

What owns you?

2010-01-28T07:07:00.004-05:00

I like to get up in the morning and spend some time reading and praying for the day. This morning has been hard. I've realized I'm "owned" by a lot of things... mostly other's opinions of me. The craziest thing is, sometimes its the unspoken opinions of me that bother me the most. For instance, I realized I can either be validated or invalidated by whether or not Sam says something about the way I look as I walk out of the door to work each morning. If he doesn't tell me he thinks I'm pretty, I don't feel pretty. All day I'm owned by the thoughts of insecurity. This is ridiculous.... I can't be owned by this.

I get a strange look from a stranger and I think, "Oh Lord, somehow my boob is showing or maybe I've grown a tail or maybe my zipper is undone and I forgot to wear underwear today." This said stranger is probably thinking about their grocery list and my skin tone reminded them to get self-tanner. But, I'm owned by their unspoken opinions.

The list goes on and on: I'm owned by my coworkers' opinions of the work I'm doing, by whether or not my friends laugh at my jokes, or if my husband's friends think I'm a good wife. I can't be owned by anything except being a daughter of God and being a woman that is active in this world. I have to experience freedom from others' perspective of me and start experiencing a development of confidence in who I've been made to be. I hope that you aren't owned by anything or anyone in this world. If you are, I pray for an ultimate release so that you and I both can start experiencing freedom.

New Hair!

2010-01-26T21:42:00.003-05:00

Take this boredom!

I will not be shaken.

2010-01-26T07:05:00.002-05:00

I was reading this morning and was reminded of David's words, "I will not be shaken." We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We have the ultimate Protector on our side and I think we forget that when stressful things happen. When there upsetting things, do I say, "I will not be shaken" or do I focus on being a victim?

I'm still heartbroken over the earth quakes in Haiti and wonder if even in the face of my earth physically shaking, if I had the guts to say, "I will not be shaken." I hope so. But I know I can say it to the small disturbances going on in my life right now.

I am not a victim. Neither are you if you don't want to be. We will not be shaken my friends.

High five!

2010-01-22T13:50:00.002-05:00

I wonder when women became so competitive? I'm all for healthy competition but I'm talking about the kind when you secretly want the girl next to you to get a giant zit on her nose or for her pants to split up the middle revealing granny panties.

It doesn't make sense! We need to cheer each other on and rejoice with each other when amazing things happen. The other day I was on a run and I was coming up on a girl that looked like she needed some encouragement. I always think it's awkward passing other runners because a) I don't know if I look like I'd rather be drowning in a septic tank or b) I start to wonder what they are listening to or c) if they can see that my entire butt is moving up and down as if completely independent from my body. So instead of thinking of those things or that her legs shook less than mine (ok I thought it for a second) I started cheering really loudly, "YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!!" and then held out my hand a little too long until she gave me a high five... all while trying to run with a dog and a bouncing ass.

I hope she laughed but she definitely picked up her pace. I realize this could be because she was running away from the crazy person but it might be because she felt encouraged! Encourage your sisters today. Don't let jealousy or insecurity get in the way from truly rejoicing with one another.

I'm ridiculous

2010-01-20T11:28:00.004-05:00

So, I just had to point out how ridiculous I am. Every since I realized how needy I am with recognition, I'm laughing all day today at things I used to want thanks for.

1. Putting clothes on that were clean. Really? Congrats Martha, you put your pants on, a well trained Labrador can do that.

2. My job. You know how they thank me for that? They pay me. Plus, I don't remember anyone putting a gun to my head to make me take it.

3. Donating to a worthy cause. I actually want to punch my own face.

4. Cleaning the house. Lets be honest, I don't do this often.

5. Cooking good meals. Sam always thanks me for this, even if its grilled cheese but I forget I like cooking. Why the heck should I be thanked for something I like to do? Do I try and make myself more noble than I am?

6. Volunteering. Again, I need another black eye courtesy of my right hook.

I'm laughing at myself because there's no use in beating myself up again over this. I'm grateful I have a new perspective and transformation can start to happen because I'm ready to be changed.

A thankless job, thank you very much!

2010-01-19T23:01:00.006-05:00

The Lord has been convicting my heart a lot recently about my own desire for praise. I don't ever do a "thankless job". I want the thanks. I find myself doing things for the affirmation of man, the validation of man, and the recognition of man. Even things like wearing a cute outfit; I look at Sam with a death-look threatening his very manhood if he doesn't tell me that I look hotter than Sandra Bullock. Of course... never using words. These expectations are all in my head (perhaps where this blog should have stayed).

Then I read this:

"So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty". Luke 17:10.

Well crap. I am an unworthy servant. As much as I try and make this life worth a good story or full of laughter, it pales in comparison to the life that Christ lived. It doesn't hold a candle to the God Almighty dying on a cross. So I will try and pray that I can silence the expectation of the "thank you" or the recognition in everything that I do. I mean everything. My life isn't meant to be lived for you... no offense. But loving you and pouring into your life, well, that's the very least I can do, and I love every minute. Cooking, volunteering, tithing, cleaning, teaching, counseling, having coffee with women around the Triad, reading Scripture, all of those things... my duty as the unworthy servant. Let us rejoice.

I'm Alive!!

2010-01-18T13:18:00.003-05:00

I have just gotten off of the couch and it has been almost a full day since I got sick. It's amazing what being sick for almost a week can do to a body. My 1/2 marathon training is a bit off as I couldn't exactly run with just gingerale on my stomach. My weight has dropped considerably which I'm not a fan of. So today I've been trying to eat solid foods and get my energy level back up.

The other bummer is that my adventure with Ashleigh had to be postponed. She did come Friday night and compete with Sam over who could take care of me the best. She won because she actually made physical contact and Sam hadn't since last Tuesday. Apparently getting sick in law school goes over about as well as going to the lip gloss counter with a herpes outbreak.

So while our adventure is postponed, I'm going to go enjoy the sun shine and leave you with this on Dr. King's day. How amazing that someone who was met with such violence decided to fight for justice in a peaceful way, never lacking in passion.

"Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Haiti

2010-01-14T17:22:00.008-05:00

It's not fair. It's devastating. Of course I could spend my time and anger wanting to open hand hit Pat Robertson in the face for misrepresenting Christians but I won't. Instead I'll spend my time trying to show who Christ is: Comforter, Healer, Peacemaker, Father to the Fatherless, and Savior. I hope we spend our time praying and trying to help in any way that we can. Our hearts should be physically breaking over this. Don't look away, don't turn the channel, jump in. Be the warrior that you are.

Psalm 96:3, "Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples."

http://blog.redcross.org/

Sick

2010-01-13T19:44:00.002-05:00

Tuesday morning around 3am I woke up with a stomach bug. I've been stationed on the couch with a fever since then. Besides the couch, I've been spending a lot of intimate time in the bathroom. It's great, especially having to drink Pedialyte... which I now refer to as Pediabiteme. My mother came by today and as I was writhing in self-pity and pain, she said something simple.

"It makes you realize how much you take for granted being well."

When I'm well, why do I dread going for a run or cooking a nice meal? As soon as I pry myself off of the couch, I'm going to stop taking for granted feeling well.

Transformation

2010-01-10T11:37:00.004-05:00

I've been reflecting a lot at the power God has to reach into our hearts and transform even the coldest ones. Four years ago Sam started talking about joining JAG corps with the Army. Between tears, curse words, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"s, Sam and I have tried to have conversations about this throughout the years. About a year and a half ago, I realized this was no longer a macho phase, he was serious and felt it was his calling. Over the four years I felt my thoughts were better than his and kept yelling, "PRAY ABOUT IT!" Finally, sweet Sam very slowly and southernly said, "YOU PRAY ABOUT IT!"

So I did. God transformed my heart almost immediately. As soon as I unclenched my fist, I stopped letting fear of the unknown dictate our future. Peace and dare I say, even excitement rushed over me. My marriage was deeper, my relationship with God was deeper. I listened instead of talking at God. I stopped letting my stubborn plans of what I thought our life should look like dictate our life.

Sam was accepted into the JAG corp this weekend. 5,000 people applied and they accepted less than 100. They only accepted 3 people in NC. My hottie was one of them! I'm so proud of him I can't stand it. Now, we have an adventure ahead of us that causes us to lean on each other and God. I wouldn't have been able to experience this joy and see the joy in Sam's face and hear it in his voice if I hadn't opened my mind and heart to what God had to say and the transformation He wanted to work in me.

What if we stopped thinking our way was better or stopped talking at God long enough to listen to what He has to say? Why stop there- how much are our plans getting in the way of new adventures?

I laugh in the face of...Murphy's Law

2010-01-06T12:53:00.005-05:00

I have realized the power of laughter. It has the power to dethrone the enemy I like to call, Murphy's Law. Yesterday I had all of my final work due for a class. I had procrastinated and was still working on it at 3:45. I needed to have it postmarked by 5. Naturally, we only had one car and as I was needing it to drive to the post office so Sam calls me to tell me he locked the keys in the car...downtown.

So, I laughed. I laughed really loudly and obnoxiously. I laughed in the face of stress. My day was a lot better because stress can come pretty easily, and I found that laughter can ease the pain of the curve balls that are thrown at our face.

So whether your mother or mother-in-law said something that hurt your feelings, your boss blamed you for something you didn't do, your friends decided leggings aren't cool anymore after you just spent $40 buying some from seller jonasbrolover879 on ebay, or you just plain didn't get to the grocery store on time, laugh. Trust me, it's worth it. Whatever is making you stressed just. is. not. worth. it. Your life is too important for stress to have a grip on you. If you need help laughing, make a fool of yourself with your friends. Look at the idiot on the right in this video, I mean, do you think I was stressed that day!?

2010-01-04T22:47:00.002-05:00

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." John 7:37-38

Lord forgive me, I have put up a dam.

Raleigh Adventure 2010

2010-01-03T08:47:00.008-05:00

I decided at the last minute to keep driving east and go see some friends in Raleigh. These are dear friends who spark my creativity, provoke my convictions, and make me laugh harder than America's Funniest Home Videos. Sure, it might not have been the smartest of acts driving to Raleigh for a few hours just to drive back. But I'll remember my friend Christin's laugh as she walked in her house and found me in the nursery. I'll remember trying to pack 15 of the most brilliant people I know around a table at Busy Bee. I'll remember having priceless conversations about relationships with Scott, the endless possibilities of her future with Ashleigh, and the importance of living near friends with Rice, Thurston, and Bliss. I won't remember how tired I was on the drive back.

And for those I didn't get to see, I'll be back soon... and Regan, I have not forgotten about my necklaces you're holding hostage :)

More and more each day I realize that life is about relationships. For some reason, mostly because of laziness, I've become a hermit. No longer my friends! I have to start letting my actions show what is important, I have to start showing my friends they are important, not just telling them. Are you showing your friends or just assuming they know...

My favorite group of red heads!

Matt, one of the best dads I've seen.

Discussing Scooter's future wife

My ladies, May and Ashleigh

Rice, Bob, and Steph (newly appointed social chair)

Bliss, Thurston, and Jon Scott (all wishing we had Pimms Cups)

Today's adventure....

2010-01-02T11:49:00.002-05:00

IS A SECRET! Muahah suckers! I'll reveal pictures of my small adventure/memorable event from today on tomorrow's post.

I know it's freezing outside. So cold you'd rather sit inside and see how many marshmallows you can fit into your mouth. But besides choking or breaking my record of 17 marshmallows, you probably won't be making a memory out of that activity. So bundle up and do something crazy on this Saturday. Or just get outside with your family and friends and breathe in some of this air that is being forced into your lungs at 10 mph.

Feel free to share your memorable event on the comments section!

A Memorable 2010

2010-01-01T13:38:00.006-05:00

I hate resolutions, I'm going to be honest. I love making the "to-do lists" with cute little boxes that I'm supposed to check off. I usually don't or I change my mind half way through the year. But one thing that's been stirring in my soul recently is for my life to be more memorable. There have been so many opportunities I've missed by sitting on the couch and watching Gilmore Girls DVDs... I love that show, get over it.

So, 2010 will be the year of many (I hope) that I make memorable. Each day I will watch less TV and get outside and make some memories dangit! I'm not saying I'm going bungee jumping every day, but I am going to pour into my neighbors, pursue wisdom from my grandparents, laugh harder with my friends, and go on more adventures. My friend Ashleigh and I are heading into the mountains to hike and camp on MLK weekend, ADVENTURE! I want to look back on my life and scroll through memories like an endless flip book instead of a short story. My memorable life is not going to happen in front of the TV. I can't wait to share my adventures with you and I want to hear about yours!

Your opinion matters!

2009-12-30T14:02:00.003-05:00

Ha, before you think I'm asking you fill out a survey in which I promise you a robot who cleans your kitchen or tells you that your jeans look amazing.... I just thought I'd ask what standards are you living up to?

I listed mine below and I think it might be neat to hear from you. Sometimes confession is freeing because by saying it out loud, the power is taken away from those standards. So eat your heart out Jillian and your muscular arms!

Standards

2009-12-29T20:44:00.003-05:00

Whose standards are you living by? I have been thinking about that question and here are the standards I've been living by:

1. Jillian on The Biggest Loser, I mean REALLY!? Who has arms like that?!

2. My parents.

3. The lady that checks out my groceries at Walmart as I try and explain why I've bought that many Easy Macs.

4. The people that pass me on my jogs in my neighborhood, I might start tripping them or just continue muttering something about having shorter legs.

5. My professors... pretty sure I've set the bar pretty low at this point.

6. Amy Poehler, am I making her proud?

7. Don't even get me started on Feist or Zooey Deschanel.

8. Donna Reed or Martha Stewart... both of which would have an aneurysm if they came into my house as the dust tumbleweeds blew across the floor over their perfectly shined shoes.

SO, I'm sure there are more humiliating standards on my list that will come up as I look through the J.Crew catalog tomorrow but those 8 will do for now. I should probably start living by God's standards instead of numbers 1-8. I'd also probably think about sucking in my stomach less and more about what I actually have to offer eh?

Where to now?

2009-12-28T14:27:00.004-05:00

Why do we think we have to go somewhere else to experience life? I find myself thinking, "Well if I were only here _____, then I could do _____." I think I'd be cooler and friends with Don Miller if I lived in Portland. I think I'd be a more focused musician if I lived in Nashville. I think I'd be in better shape if I lived out west and hiked all the time. I think I'd be more creative if I got to live at the beach. I think I'd be more social and have more friends if I lived in.... the list goes on.

My life is happening right now and I've made it boring by all of my wishing I was somewhere else. But I'm realizing that I don't have to be anywhere else or with anyone else or doing anything else for my life to be exciting. It's go time.

Get over yourself!

2009-12-27T08:59:00.002-05:00

Who often gets in the way of your adventures, your freedom, your success, your experiences, your capacity to love without fear? You do.

Get over yourself! Stop talking yourselves out of all of these things that could (gasp!)

BRING YOU JOY!

I'm going to try to get out of the way, want to try with me?

Our visitors

2009-12-26T10:16:00.003-05:00

We've had a lot of Jehovah's Witnesses come by house this week... Merry Awkward Christmas to me. Well, we usually try and be kind but this morning we had two come by. This was second visit this week. It was Sam's turn so I heard him out there talking. Here is the conversation:

JW: "Hello, we've been talking to your neighbors about the suffering in the world. Do you believe there's suffering in the world?"

Sam: "Yes we do. But, my wife and I are believers so..."

JW: "Ok, well we want to show you one verse, Proverbs 2:22, 'The wicked will be cut off from the land, and the unfaithful will be torn from it. ' Have a great day, here are two pamphlets."

Sam: "Oh wow."

JW: "We'll check back later."

Sam comes inside and brings me the pamphlets with this look on his face that I've seen before, as if he's been asked to write a book report. I am laughing (the kind of laughing so we don't cry) hysterically at this interaction. People, really?! That is the verse you're walking around to our neighbors with!? REALLY!? Please be warned, our dog will be waiting with a super soaker next time because Santa brought him some thumbs.

Merry Christmas Friends!

2009-12-25T22:44:00.003-05:00

Hello friends, I hope you are having an amazing Christmas. This will be short and sweet since my hottie husband is waiting for me on the couch to watch Baby Mama.... yeah, that's happening. So here it is:

We are broken. God knew that only His Son could die on behalf of the Father. And only God as man could die as a sacrifice for man. How amazing is it that He came to fulfill in His body which we couldn't fulfill in ours! He came as the solution. As you finish today's Christmas craziness, join me in awe that God humbled Himself to come in our place. Merry Christmas!

Reconciliation

2009-12-23T19:37:00.003-05:00

Last night I received an email from an old friend. We had grown apart over the years. However, her email was full of grace and authenticity that humbled me to the core. She was braver than I could ever hope to be in her honesty and her vulnerability. Reconciliation takes courage. But the reward is sweet.

I know it's a busy time of year, but look around, reconciliation is happening all over. Join in won't you?

Fear

2009-12-22T13:14:00.005-05:00

Do not fear.

Of all the things in the world, why do we give so much power to fear? Take a minute to reflect on the opportunities that you've missed because you were scared. Imagine what your life would look like without fear. Imagine what it would feel like to truly live in God's freedom and feel

uninhibited.

I decided to make a personal attack on fear. I went bungee jumping with my dad and brother. I was scared. But, as a 17 year old hippie with bad hair counted to 3, I jumped over a massive river only to be caught by a pathetic excuse for a rubber-band. I screamed "SCREW YOU FEAR!" all the way down. It felt good.

What's keeping you from jumping?

"I'm doing what now?! And please, wash your hair boy."

"SCREW YOU FEAR!"

What I've been learning...

2009-12-21T22:14:00.001-05:00

I have a heart of a fighter. I want to fight for you.

I want to fight for your mental health, your spiritual health, your emotional health and shoot, even your physical health. Now, I'm not saying I care about what J.Crew cardigan you are picking out or what inappropriately named NARS blush you got. But I am saying that it might not be a terrible idea to start posting the messages that I have for women. I want this to be encouraging and empowering.

I realize that half of my heart is resisting this blog and whispering "Your words don't matter!" But, I like arguing with myself, like when I convince myself that eating ice cream is good for my calcium intake or that my jeans are only tight because they went into the dryer.... 2 weeks ago. So, for those that care, I'll be praying for yall and will post whatever God brings me to tell you that day. I'm not promising wisdom, humor, or insight but I'm promising that I'll take time to listen and share what God lays on my heart to tell you. It may be through one liners or haikus but this is me, fighting for you.