I was having a conversation with a good friend the other day about the insecurity that weaseled its way in when we got married. Sometimes the insecurity may come in specific forms or just plain general self-loathing. However big or small, the power that insecurity has over our thoughts is ridiculous. (I tried to think of a more intelligent or sensitive word, but ridiculous is what you’re getting from me!)
I digress; this amazing friend of mine is gorgeous, talented, and married to a fabulous man. However, her insecurity made her doubt herself, her husband’s faithfulness, and even her purpose.
And the thing is, I’ve been there. I know Sam is so faithful, is solid in his faith walk and loves me so well. BUT catch me watching a horrible Lifetime movie and the next thing I know I’m wondering if Sam has been texting Angelina Jolie behind my back. Ridiculous? 100% yes. Real fear? Absolutely. Have you seen her in Tomb Raider?! Eat a doughnut woman!
I’ve been thinking about insecurity as a spouse and our fear that we will be betrayed.
And here is what has been stirring in my brain. I think Satan knows his game. He knows we have active imaginations and don’t want to believe that we’re worthy of a lifetime of loyalty and love. SO, this area is his playground. We give him a fast pass to the crazy circus inside our heads when we indulge these fears. There is a destructive part of our nature that almost takes pleasure in trying to imagine all the different ways that we’ll be betrayed. It’s like when you scratch a mosquito bite until it bleeds but it kind of feels good while you’re scratching the hell out of it.
Philippians 4:7- “And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
The more we root ourselves in that scripture, it becomes our truth. I even read in Timothy the other day that we have to practice Godliness- I forget that it’ll never come naturally.
Part of practicing Godliness is developing a plan when those thoughts creep in. It may be helpful to pray with your spouse as you experience these fears. I imagine it’s pretty powerful to have your spouse pray victory over you. That prayer automatically does a 180 degree ninja kick (I just made that up) to any fear or insecurity you are feeling.
yes, whilst at the beach i felt some of those feelings, well as much as I could feel due to sucking in my gut for hours on end. (i may not have abs of steel, but i have a diaphragm that could stop bullets!) then it dawned on me... you know what, the only saggy butt and wobbly thighs on this beach that make my micah swoon are mine. confidence boost, oh yeah! I was suddenly coming out of the water like bo derek in 10. only, i didn't have braids, and i was picking a wedge out of my sand filled tie dye tankini bottom, other than that, exact replica. i love you!
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