What owns you?

I like to get up in the morning and spend some time reading and praying for the day. This morning has been hard. I've realized I'm "owned" by a lot of things... mostly other's opinions of me. The craziest thing is, sometimes its the unspoken opinions of me that bother me the most. For instance, I realized I can either be validated or invalidated by whether or not Sam says something about the way I look as I walk out of the door to work each morning. If he doesn't tell me he thinks I'm pretty, I don't feel pretty. All day I'm owned by the thoughts of insecurity. This is ridiculous.... I can't be owned by this.

I get a strange look from a stranger and I think, "Oh Lord, somehow my boob is showing or maybe I've grown a tail or maybe my zipper is undone and I forgot to wear underwear today." This said stranger is probably thinking about their grocery list and my skin tone reminded them to get self-tanner. But, I'm owned by their unspoken opinions.

The list goes on and on: I'm owned by my coworkers' opinions of the work I'm doing, by whether or not my friends laugh at my jokes, or if my husband's friends think I'm a good wife. I can't be owned by anything except being a daughter of God and being a woman that is active in this world. I have to experience freedom from others' perspective of me and start experiencing a development of confidence in who I've been made to be. I hope that you aren't owned by anything or anyone in this world. If you are, I pray for an ultimate release so that you and I both can start experiencing freedom.

New Hair!

Take this boredom!

I will not be shaken.

I was reading this morning and was reminded of David's words, "I will not be shaken." We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We have the ultimate Protector on our side and I think we forget that when stressful things happen. When there upsetting things, do I say, "I will not be shaken" or do I focus on being a victim?

I'm still heartbroken over the earth quakes in Haiti and wonder if even in the face of my earth physically shaking, if I had the guts to say, "I will not be shaken." I hope so. But I know I can say it to the small disturbances going on in my life right now.

I am not a victim. Neither are you if you don't want to be. We will not be shaken my friends.

High five!

I wonder when women became so competitive? I'm all for healthy competition but I'm talking about the kind when you secretly want the girl next to you to get a giant zit on her nose or for her pants to split up the middle revealing granny panties.

It doesn't make sense! We need to cheer each other on and rejoice with each other when amazing things happen. The other day I was on a run and I was coming up on a girl that looked like she needed some encouragement. I always think it's awkward passing other runners because a) I don't know if I look like I'd rather be drowning in a septic tank or b) I start to wonder what they are listening to or c) if they can see that my entire butt is moving up and down as if completely independent from my body. So instead of thinking of those things or that her legs shook less than mine (ok I thought it for a second) I started cheering really loudly, "YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!!" and then held out my hand a little too long until she gave me a high five... all while trying to run with a dog and a bouncing ass.

I hope she laughed but she definitely picked up her pace. I realize this could be because she was running away from the crazy person but it might be because she felt encouraged! Encourage your sisters today. Don't let jealousy or insecurity get in the way from truly rejoicing with one another.

I'm ridiculous

So, I just had to point out how ridiculous I am. Every since I realized how needy I am with recognition, I'm laughing all day today at things I used to want thanks for.

1. Putting clothes on that were clean. Really? Congrats Martha, you put your pants on, a well trained Labrador can do that.

2. My job. You know how they thank me for that? They pay me. Plus, I don't remember anyone putting a gun to my head to make me take it.

3. Donating to a worthy cause. I actually want to punch my own face.

4. Cleaning the house. Lets be honest, I don't do this often.

5. Cooking good meals. Sam always thanks me for this, even if its grilled cheese but I forget I like cooking. Why the heck should I be thanked for something I like to do? Do I try and make myself more noble than I am?

6. Volunteering. Again, I need another black eye courtesy of my right hook.

I'm laughing at myself because there's no use in beating myself up again over this. I'm grateful I have a new perspective and transformation can start to happen because I'm ready to be changed.

A thankless job, thank you very much!

The Lord has been convicting my heart a lot recently about my own desire for praise. I don't ever do a "thankless job". I want the thanks. I find myself doing things for the affirmation of man, the validation of man, and the recognition of man. Even things like wearing a cute outfit; I look at Sam with a death-look threatening his very manhood if he doesn't tell me that I look hotter than Sandra Bullock. Of course... never using words. These expectations are all in my head (perhaps where this blog should have stayed).

Then I read this:

"So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty". Luke 17:10.

Well crap. I am an unworthy servant. As much as I try and make this life worth a good story or full of laughter, it pales in comparison to the life that Christ lived. It doesn't hold a candle to the God Almighty dying on a cross. So I will try and pray that I can silence the expectation of the "thank you" or the recognition in everything that I do. I mean everything. My life isn't meant to be lived for you... no offense. But loving you and pouring into your life, well, that's the very least I can do, and I love every minute. Cooking, volunteering, tithing, cleaning, teaching, counseling, having coffee with women around the Triad, reading Scripture, all of those things... my duty as the unworthy servant. Let us rejoice.

I'm Alive!!

I have just gotten off of the couch and it has been almost a full day since I got sick. It's amazing what being sick for almost a week can do to a body. My 1/2 marathon training is a bit off as I couldn't exactly run with just gingerale on my stomach. My weight has dropped considerably which I'm not a fan of. So today I've been trying to eat solid foods and get my energy level back up.

The other bummer is that my adventure with Ashleigh had to be postponed. She did come Friday night and compete with Sam over who could take care of me the best. She won because she actually made physical contact and Sam hadn't since last Tuesday. Apparently getting sick in law school goes over about as well as going to the lip gloss counter with a herpes outbreak.

So while our adventure is postponed, I'm going to go enjoy the sun shine and leave you with this on Dr. King's day. How amazing that someone who was met with such violence decided to fight for justice in a peaceful way, never lacking in passion.

"Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Haiti

It's not fair. It's devastating. Of course I could spend my time and anger wanting to open hand hit Pat Robertson in the face for misrepresenting Christians but I won't. Instead I'll spend my time trying to show who Christ is: Comforter, Healer, Peacemaker, Father to the Fatherless, and Savior. I hope we spend our time praying and trying to help in any way that we can. Our hearts should be physically breaking over this. Don't look away, don't turn the channel, jump in. Be the warrior that you are.

Psalm 96:3, "Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples."

http://blog.redcross.org/

Sick

Tuesday morning around 3am I woke up with a stomach bug. I've been stationed on the couch with a fever since then. Besides the couch, I've been spending a lot of intimate time in the bathroom. It's great, especially having to drink Pedialyte... which I now refer to as Pediabiteme. My mother came by today and as I was writhing in self-pity and pain, she said something simple.

"It makes you realize how much you take for granted being well."

When I'm well, why do I dread going for a run or cooking a nice meal? As soon as I pry myself off of the couch, I'm going to stop taking for granted feeling well.

Transformation

I've been reflecting a lot at the power God has to reach into our hearts and transform even the coldest ones. Four years ago Sam started talking about joining JAG corps with the Army. Between tears, curse words, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"s, Sam and I have tried to have conversations about this throughout the years. About a year and a half ago, I realized this was no longer a macho phase, he was serious and felt it was his calling. Over the four years I felt my thoughts were better than his and kept yelling, "PRAY ABOUT IT!" Finally, sweet Sam very slowly and southernly said, "YOU PRAY ABOUT IT!"

So I did. God transformed my heart almost immediately. As soon as I unclenched my fist, I stopped letting fear of the unknown dictate our future. Peace and dare I say, even excitement rushed over me. My marriage was deeper, my relationship with God was deeper. I listened instead of talking at God. I stopped letting my stubborn plans of what I thought our life should look like dictate our life.

Sam was accepted into the JAG corp this weekend. 5,000 people applied and they accepted less than 100. They only accepted 3 people in NC. My hottie was one of them! I'm so proud of him I can't stand it. Now, we have an adventure ahead of us that causes us to lean on each other and God. I wouldn't have been able to experience this joy and see the joy in Sam's face and hear it in his voice if I hadn't opened my mind and heart to what God had to say and the transformation He wanted to work in me.

What if we stopped thinking our way was better or stopped talking at God long enough to listen to what He has to say? Why stop there- how much are our plans getting in the way of new adventures?

I laugh in the face of...Murphy's Law

I have realized the power of laughter. It has the power to dethrone the enemy I like to call, Murphy's Law. Yesterday I had all of my final work due for a class. I had procrastinated and was still working on it at 3:45. I needed to have it postmarked by 5. Naturally, we only had one car and as I was needing it to drive to the post office so Sam calls me to tell me he locked the keys in the car...downtown.

So, I laughed. I laughed really loudly and obnoxiously. I laughed in the face of stress. My day was a lot better because stress can come pretty easily, and I found that laughter can ease the pain of the curve balls that are thrown at our face.

So whether your mother or mother-in-law said something that hurt your feelings, your boss blamed you for something you didn't do, your friends decided leggings aren't cool anymore after you just spent $40 buying some from seller jonasbrolover879 on ebay, or you just plain didn't get to the grocery store on time, laugh. Trust me, it's worth it. Whatever is making you stressed just. is. not. worth. it. Your life is too important for stress to have a grip on you. If you need help laughing, make a fool of yourself with your friends. Look at the idiot on the right in this video, I mean, do you think I was stressed that day!?

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." John 7:37-38

Lord forgive me, I have put up a dam.

Raleigh Adventure 2010

I decided at the last minute to keep driving east and go see some friends in Raleigh. These are dear friends who spark my creativity, provoke my convictions, and make me laugh harder than America's Funniest Home Videos. Sure, it might not have been the smartest of acts driving to Raleigh for a few hours just to drive back. But I'll remember my friend Christin's laugh as she walked in her house and found me in the nursery. I'll remember trying to pack 15 of the most brilliant people I know around a table at Busy Bee. I'll remember having priceless conversations about relationships with Scott, the endless possibilities of her future with Ashleigh, and the importance of living near friends with Rice, Thurston, and Bliss. I won't remember how tired I was on the drive back.

And for those I didn't get to see, I'll be back soon... and Regan, I have not forgotten about my necklaces you're holding hostage :)

More and more each day I realize that life is about relationships. For some reason, mostly because of laziness, I've become a hermit. No longer my friends! I have to start letting my actions show what is important, I have to start showing my friends they are important, not just telling them. Are you showing your friends or just assuming they know...

My favorite group of red heads!

Matt, one of the best dads I've seen.

Discussing Scooter's future wife

My ladies, May and Ashleigh

Rice, Bob, and Steph (newly appointed social chair)

Bliss, Thurston, and Jon Scott (all wishing we had Pimms Cups)

Today's adventure....

IS A SECRET! Muahah suckers! I'll reveal pictures of my small adventure/memorable event from today on tomorrow's post.

I know it's freezing outside. So cold you'd rather sit inside and see how many marshmallows you can fit into your mouth. But besides choking or breaking my record of 17 marshmallows, you probably won't be making a memory out of that activity. So bundle up and do something crazy on this Saturday. Or just get outside with your family and friends and breathe in some of this air that is being forced into your lungs at 10 mph.

Feel free to share your memorable event on the comments section!

A Memorable 2010

I hate resolutions, I'm going to be honest. I love making the "to-do lists" with cute little boxes that I'm supposed to check off. I usually don't or I change my mind half way through the year. But one thing that's been stirring in my soul recently is for my life to be more memorable. There have been so many opportunities I've missed by sitting on the couch and watching Gilmore Girls DVDs... I love that show, get over it.

So, 2010 will be the year of many (I hope) that I make memorable. Each day I will watch less TV and get outside and make some memories dangit! I'm not saying I'm going bungee jumping every day, but I am going to pour into my neighbors, pursue wisdom from my grandparents, laugh harder with my friends, and go on more adventures. My friend Ashleigh and I are heading into the mountains to hike and camp on MLK weekend, ADVENTURE! I want to look back on my life and scroll through memories like an endless flip book instead of a short story. My memorable life is not going to happen in front of the TV. I can't wait to share my adventures with you and I want to hear about yours!