Remember the good ole times

I sat on the loveseat today staring at my handsome husband on the opposite couch. I just started thanking the Lord for specific things about our marriage. Sam loves me despite all of my quirks.

He loves that I never wear matching socks.

He loves that even when its 90 degrees outside, I wear my cowboy boots.

He loves that I hate to iron, so he wears Joseph Banks Travelers shirts.

He loves my cooking.

He knows that I love to snuggle... until we get too hot, and then we lay on opposite couches.

He secretly loves that I need candy. Yes I said need.

He loves that I'm a goofball and like dance parties when I think he won't be home for awhile. He also loves catching me doing my best Running Man in the kitchen.

He loves that my soul has to be outside and he knows I love walking around the river house property with him and Roy the dog.

He loves that I wear weird hats.

He loves my different voices. And he never tells me when my impressions are bad.

He loves when I sing.

Even when things are hard in a relationship, I hope you take the time to remember what love feels like. Remember the things that are right and good with your love. Lets just be honest, I'm a lot happier when I remember the good things instead of when I made him mad by spilling something and pretending it didn't happen... I mean, the dog usually gets it right?

Remember the things your spouse or significant other loves about you because you'll want to make them fall in love with you all over again; fix their favorite meal, wear the outfit that he loves and you hate, and in the end... your cup will be overflowing with love for them.

Thanks for loving me Sammy.

Woman Up

So, I always hear the phrase, "Man up!" but I always think to myself, "Self, that makes just about as much sense as 'you can't have your cake and eat it too'. They are already male. And I don't want them to jump up." I mean, can we pause for a second and just try and understand the idiot that came up with the phrase, "You can't have your cake and eat it too." WHAT THE DONKEY ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?! We're not on Double Dare, I'm not going to use to slime someone! Come on! If I have a cake, I'm going to eat it. I don't care what you say.

I digress. I think about all of the "man ups" and the "woman ups" because I think about how we so often spend all of our pep talks on others and forget to give ourselves the pep talk. Granted, every time the alarm goes off I give myself a good ole "Go for the gold Metzler!" but how about when I start to ponder pursuing dreams or being a good wife or a good neighbor? Where's my pep talk then? It gets covered up by the negativity, laziness, and fear. But I hear myself telling people all the time to persevere, woman up, and grab hold of their bravery. But where is mine? Do we as women hold up others' dreams and potential in place of our own? Don't hear me wrong, that's not a blanket question, it's for the individual. I know in my life, it's safer to spend my encouragement on others so that I don't have to deal with the excuses I've made in my own life.

Now I'm going to go eat cake and you can't stop me.

Memorial Day

I will post my own Memorial Day tribute but here is my sweet friend Kate's for your reading pleasure.

http://daffoldilshope.blogspot.com/2010/05/happy-memorial-day.html

So proud!

He has graduated and I'm married to a stud lawyer! He was even surprised with being a part of the "Order of the Barristers"... which I'm sure is important. I'm so proud of my man.

Hurdle

I'm writing this post spontaneously so that I don't cheat you of the raw emotion I've been feeling. My husband is graduating law school this weekend. I finished grad school this weekend. I should be walking with my friends across a stage in a goofy robe but instead, I won't get to do that because I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding and missed an overnight retreat (though it's zero credit hours) that is needed in order to graduate. Cognitively, I know I should be celebrating my completion of grad school with Sam. However, in my heart, there is a pain that I can't hold a diploma until after January when I go to the school slumber party. I've been focused on finishing and now that I have, there is something missing. I sat down today for the first time in awhile and almost burst into tears. So, since apparently I'm afraid my tears are made of acid, I immediately stood up and started cleaning the house. Then I emailed my friend Ashleigh who normally knows what to say to me when I don't allow myself to experience my emotions. This is what she had to say in so many words:

Of course you're going to feel a little let down that you and Sam can't share this moment together. It makes sense and is normal! But here's what I would do (and of course this doesn't mean its the right way to handle it, but it would help me)... I would wallow in the disappointment for 10 minutes, possibly have a good healthy cry. After 10 minutes eat a nerd rope and drink a Red Bull. Next, I would praise God that school work is OVER!!!!!! Praise that He got you through. And (as weird as it sounds) praise Him for giving you a hurdle (ie, that stupid retreat) that brought you to your knees and got you closer to Him! ! I know this school fiasco has been so difficult for you, but you continue to blow me away with the grace you have kept through it all! I'm so proud of you. Finally, I would have a discussion with Sam about making this a special moment for you too!!

I know you too well, and I know that you will get all caught up in Sam's pomp and circumstance and forget about your needs.... DONT DO THAT!! make sure you are celebrated too!!! I love ya MarthaB. I celebrate you!! I praise God for a dear friend like you. ::BIG HUG::

Now, go eat so much sugar you get the diabetes...

Now, of course, I immediately followed her instructions. Then I got in the car and heard these lyrics to a song, "Here in surrender, in pure adoration. I keep my eyes fixed ever on Jesus' face. Let not the things of this world ever sway me. I'll run till I finish the race." I cannot let my Masters hold my value. I cannot let policy run my outlook on my life and my ministry. This hurdle is allowing me to place my hope, my value, and my plans around what God has laid out for me. No one else. Now, if you excuse me, I have an appointment to celebrate my husband, my completion of graduate school, and processed sugar.

Sometimes you just gotta make the moments...

Tonight is a Monday night. It's usually the night that Sam and I eat left overs, watch NOTHING on TV, and veg out on the couch... you know, from all the exhaustion of starting another week over. But instead, we decided to make a memory. We opened a bottle of wine that we'd be saving since our wedding. Our friend Julie (what's up Sessoms!) gave us a bottle of wine from Spain and we have been saving it for something special. Well, tonight was a night that we decided to make special. We fixed supper together, we brought all of the food outside on the back porch, and sipped our fancy bottle of wine. We talked about our days, politics, how we don't know what good wine tastes like, dreams, fears, and how weird our dog is. It could have been just another Monday mundane night.

Sometimes, you can't wait for the memories, you have to make them. I'm going to go write some Hallmark cards now... or maybe an inspirational poster for some kid's graduation.

Something to share this morning

A friend had this on his blog and I've watched it a few times this morning, crying each time. I think it's so moving. I've had some conversations about race this week that have caused my heart to break. My friend Becca and her adopted son, Sammy, were spit at this week. Just read her story because every time I try and tell it I feel a rage boiling in me. We cannot hide in our suburban neighborhoods any longer. We have to pray against hate together. We have to fight against injustice together. So watch this, let me know your thoughts. I think it's so powerful and raw.

Hope

I've been getting emotional this week because Sam has finished law school and I will be done with grad school next week! I'm not emotional because it's over, because sweet Lord I've been waiting for this since the 2nd week we started this whole 3 year grad school journey. I think I'm emotional because I realize we'll be starting the lives that we have been talking about for these three years. Lives that revolve around our dreams that we've worked for, seeing each other more consistently, and treasuring time that we have before Sam leaves. I've also been marveling at my husband's call to our country. He could have immediately started applying to law firms or the DA's office but instead, he wanted to serve. I'm completely and fearfully in love with that.


I've been so clueless to this process of joining the Army but I've been so blessed recently to have new friends in my life to guide me through it. We've met these amazing new friends, Kate and Kevin who live down the road. Kevin is in the Army and stationed at Wake teaching ROTC. Kate is this graceful and hilarious wife and mother who has become my butcher shop guru, wine partner, interior decorator, and an instant girlfriend who I could talk to forever.


My friends Tyler and Ginna are stationed in Alaska. Ginna has been so patient with me and even video chats with me when I'm having question overload. She is so encouraging and I've attached her recent post about Tyler's job. It brought tears to my eyes because I can't wait to hear Sam love his job like that. And I can't wait to strive to be the wife that Ginna is.


http://gtvz.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-convoy-is-best-tvz.html

Ok enough with the gushy stuff, here is my point. God's will never takes you where His grace doesn't cover you. When Sam started the application process and then accepted his position with the Army, I felt very alone and helpless. I knew nothing about this life and let fear take over. God intervened by placing a community around me before it even started!! Most people talk about the community you have on post, but I've been able to experience it right now. God knew that I needed that and His grace covered me. Lets all trust that where God's will takes us, no matter what crazy journey that may be, we can rejoice that Grace protects us and comforts us.

My trip to Starbucks

Ok, this is not going to be a serious post. In fact, this may bring me down in your books (I like to think you write about me in your diary) a bit. I was writing a paper last night and couldn't focus because my husband's hot body laying on the couch like a giant flank steak was beckoning me to snuggle and watch 1 of the 8,000 Johnny Depp movies that was on TV. So, I thought, "Hey, you used to go to Starbucks in college and write papers! Maybe that'll work!" So I went. Here is what I noticed in the 2 hours I was there... besides the fact that I won't go back any time soon.

1. Ladies, tights are NOT pants. I don't care how cool your tshirt is, no one is looking at it because we're all afraid that you'll get a run in your tights and we'll see your wonderland.

2. It is weird if you have a pornographic desktop background up for everyone to see. It's even weirder that the pornographic desktop background is of yourself. Just you.

3. Why are you a loud talker? Are you afraid the guy you're talking to won't hear you over the deafening silence that some of us like to call, peace?

4. How do toes fit into those cowboy boots that point upwards at a 90 degree angle at the toe?

5. Have I mentioned that tights aren't pants?

6. Why, when I am the only one sitting inside, clearly studying, and all the tables are empty; Do you, Lady Luck on the cell phone sit down next to me and giggle with your greased up suitor about who are you talking to on the phone? Why? So many other tables where you could sit...

7. When did Starbucks baristas start wearing Starbucks arm bands? Are they going to come play music in my garage later?

8. How many times can they play the She & Him album in the few hours I was here? Oh good you want an answer... thrice.