Hope

I've been getting emotional this week because Sam has finished law school and I will be done with grad school next week! I'm not emotional because it's over, because sweet Lord I've been waiting for this since the 2nd week we started this whole 3 year grad school journey. I think I'm emotional because I realize we'll be starting the lives that we have been talking about for these three years. Lives that revolve around our dreams that we've worked for, seeing each other more consistently, and treasuring time that we have before Sam leaves. I've also been marveling at my husband's call to our country. He could have immediately started applying to law firms or the DA's office but instead, he wanted to serve. I'm completely and fearfully in love with that.


I've been so clueless to this process of joining the Army but I've been so blessed recently to have new friends in my life to guide me through it. We've met these amazing new friends, Kate and Kevin who live down the road. Kevin is in the Army and stationed at Wake teaching ROTC. Kate is this graceful and hilarious wife and mother who has become my butcher shop guru, wine partner, interior decorator, and an instant girlfriend who I could talk to forever.


My friends Tyler and Ginna are stationed in Alaska. Ginna has been so patient with me and even video chats with me when I'm having question overload. She is so encouraging and I've attached her recent post about Tyler's job. It brought tears to my eyes because I can't wait to hear Sam love his job like that. And I can't wait to strive to be the wife that Ginna is.


http://gtvz.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-convoy-is-best-tvz.html

Ok enough with the gushy stuff, here is my point. God's will never takes you where His grace doesn't cover you. When Sam started the application process and then accepted his position with the Army, I felt very alone and helpless. I knew nothing about this life and let fear take over. God intervened by placing a community around me before it even started!! Most people talk about the community you have on post, but I've been able to experience it right now. God knew that I needed that and His grace covered me. Lets all trust that where God's will takes us, no matter what crazy journey that may be, we can rejoice that Grace protects us and comforts us.

My trip to Starbucks

Ok, this is not going to be a serious post. In fact, this may bring me down in your books (I like to think you write about me in your diary) a bit. I was writing a paper last night and couldn't focus because my husband's hot body laying on the couch like a giant flank steak was beckoning me to snuggle and watch 1 of the 8,000 Johnny Depp movies that was on TV. So, I thought, "Hey, you used to go to Starbucks in college and write papers! Maybe that'll work!" So I went. Here is what I noticed in the 2 hours I was there... besides the fact that I won't go back any time soon.

1. Ladies, tights are NOT pants. I don't care how cool your tshirt is, no one is looking at it because we're all afraid that you'll get a run in your tights and we'll see your wonderland.

2. It is weird if you have a pornographic desktop background up for everyone to see. It's even weirder that the pornographic desktop background is of yourself. Just you.

3. Why are you a loud talker? Are you afraid the guy you're talking to won't hear you over the deafening silence that some of us like to call, peace?

4. How do toes fit into those cowboy boots that point upwards at a 90 degree angle at the toe?

5. Have I mentioned that tights aren't pants?

6. Why, when I am the only one sitting inside, clearly studying, and all the tables are empty; Do you, Lady Luck on the cell phone sit down next to me and giggle with your greased up suitor about who are you talking to on the phone? Why? So many other tables where you could sit...

7. When did Starbucks baristas start wearing Starbucks arm bands? Are they going to come play music in my garage later?

8. How many times can they play the She & Him album in the few hours I was here? Oh good you want an answer... thrice.

Living by Faith

Are we living by faith? I was reading this morning and was struck by a verse in Scripture. It's Romans 1:17, "The righteous will live by faith."

Even on my best day; when my outfit matches, my jeans fit, I'm running because I want to be healthy not because when I pointed at something my arm continued to move like butterscotch jello, dinner is healthy and on the table on matching plates, I didn't curse like a sailor (in my head or out loud), I was respectful to Sam, I read the Bible and prayed.... I can't claim righteousness over myself. So I immediately started asking myself, "How am I not living by faith?"

When everything falls down around me, do I believe I will be caught?

When everything is going a little too well, am I waiting for the bottom to fall out?

Do I rejoice in transformation or keep second guessing that I've been redeemed?

When a dream is laid on my heart, do I go for it or immediately think of reasons that I'd fail or it wouldn't be "practical" ... I know the answer to that one since I'm wearing my PJs with giant slippers on my couch having full conversations with my dog instead of playing my music for people to hear or traveling with an improv comedy group.

Do I believe that I've been made for a purpose? With gifts that are unique to my life and very existence?

Do I believe that no matter how I'm feeling, the God I worship and His Truth never change?

I pray that we all start living by faith. There is so much life that we are missing because we're living by false facts or insecurity. Lets experience faith together... "The righteous will live by faith."

Weeds

A few months ago I prayed a scary prayer. I prayed that God would lead me into a holy life. I prayed that God would transform my broken life into a life that honors Him. I knew as I prayed that prayer I would experience a lot of opposition within myself.

Since I prayed that prayer, I have never been so aware of my sin and my short comings. Every day I stare my sin in the face. It’s like this annoying after-school special going on in my head every time I’m tempted to gossip, lie, be lazy, be judgmental, eat 4 bags of Chewy Sprees... you get the idea. All day long I realize without grace, I’d be forced to listen to Carl Winslow’s voice in my head point out how I’m a failure and how I need to make better life choices.

thanks carl...

Every day I realized that with humility comes a crossroad. I could either let my short comings and failures make me insecure and put me inside my own grave that I’ve built inside of my brain. Or I could feel freedom from my unreasonable expectations and finally be a piece of clay. I need to stop taking my humility inwards and start pushing it outwards to the cross.

Yes I’m still wrestling everyday but God help me if the day comes on this side of Heaven when I’m not wrestling to be a better person. God help me if I’m not constantly evaluating my life and the aspects of it that keep me from growing... and taking actions to weed them out.

What weeds are there in your life that prevent you from growing?

Work

There are a lot of unjust things happening around us. I really believe that we are called to fight against them. Of course it's easier to sit on my couch, watch 30 Rock, and drink coffee... but that's not why we are here. Let me say that again, that is not why we are here. We are here to make a difference. We are here to fight for people who can't fight for themselves. We are here to be a light in the darkness.

Ephesians 2:10: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Please do not tire from doing what is right, we are created to do right day after day. To help, to work, to labor with love... day after day.

In the meantime...

I have a lot on my mind this week, a lot of conviction that is clouding my sanity. I even told my husband today that if I could make fireballs, I'd throw one at his head. Luckily, we both laughed. Insane woman, party of one....

So, I'll leave you with some excellent advice that came to my mind today as I completely went against it.

Before you say anything out of anger to someone you love, think about your favorite memory with them. Live in this memory, soak in its sweetness. Then say what you need to say but I bet your interaction will be a bit different and won't leave as big of a scar as it inevitably would have.

More to come this week about humility and it leading us to the foot of the cross instead of into our own self-loathing.

Simplicity

Happy Easter everyone, I hope you felt and experienced the freedom that the Resurrection brings you every day... not just on Easter.

Some of our closest friends, Ashleigh and Justin came to spend the weekend with us. We were walking through the woods and started discussing our need for simplicity.

When is the last time you sat in silence? The last time you went an entire day without the television on? Do you spend a lot of time browsing the Internet for hours at a time... with the TV on... while texting? Yeah, me too.

Perhaps our culture of efficiency and mass production has forced us out of truly experiencing moments and into multi-tasking our way into exhaustion. We spent the weekend walking through the woods, making music, discussing the world's problems and how we can actually take part in making the world better, and playing hilarious outdoor games. Not once was the TV turned on or a computer picked up. It was refreshing and empowering. I hope you take time to pursue simplicity in your life. I know I will try and live in the reality that even if I am stripped of everything I own, I have everything I need to live a full and simple life.