Expectations

You want to know when the best moment of my marriage was? The richest time of friendship? It was when I released Sam and my friends from my expectations. The times when I felt most connected to my family? It was when I didn't force them into the roles that I wanted them to be in.

Expectations; we all have them. We all have this secret list of expectations for our spouse or friends or family. We trick them into a contract saying they should know what we're thinking, what we need, etc. It's not their job to fulfill these expectations or fit into our idea of who they should be... ESPECIALLY when they don't even know this contract exists! I found myself getting disappointed or angry when this contract was breached. "How dare he not know that I secretly wanted to watch a movie tonight!" or "How dare she not know I wanted to go dancing!" or "How dare she not ask how my day was!" You get the idea.

Lets give our relationships room to breath! I need to take ownership over my expectations and realize no one else should have to carry that burden.

Take off your training wheels

Hey yall, sorry I've been MIA. Sam and I along with some our best buds ran the Cooper River Bridge Run in Charleston this past weekend so last week my brain was already at the beach.

Last weekend I did entertainment (aka act like a fool and try and make women laugh) at a women's retreat for a Greensboro church. During a break, a discussion was brought up by a woman as she asked "Why can't we let go of these negative things in our life that we know will set us free?"

I've been marinating on that question ever since. I can't say that the answer I came to is universal, but it's my answer to my story, and it may be to yours.

I have certain fears that if I trace the root, are stemming from desires of my heart. For instance, I have a fear of failure which is linked to my desire for success. When my desire for success is threatened, I take action by trying to control everything in my life, being a slave to competition, envying what I don't have, or just plain being ruthless. These are negative things in my life. If I were to let go of these negative aspects of my life and relinquish my fear of failure... would I be free or would complete mayhem break loose. Both.

Can't both be sweet?

Being in control and not releasing the negative things in our life makes us feel safer. Imagine your life being on training wheels. By keeping training wheels on your life: you are in control, you're stable, you're safe... but you're secretly chicken. If you take those training wheels off: you could fall, you could wobble, or you could go as fast and as free as you can... but you're not in complete control.

I've been praying of ways that I can take the training wheels off of my life and really release the negative aspects that are keeping my life captive of fear. I'm not planning as much. I'm realizing that I can protect myself from failure to some extent... but do I want to? By protecting myself from failure, aren't I protecting myself from true success and freedom? My life has been on training wheels - I'm not falling but I'm not going fast and free either. That may be too abstract but man, in my heart it rings true.

There have been times in my life when I've been in control. There have been times in my life when I haven't. In looking back, the richest times and the times in which life was truly life... I wasn't in control. God is the Author of my story. I don't want to stifle it with my constant editing. I know it is completely against what society is telling me... don't be in control? Are you kidding?

But I'd rather take the training wheels off and have a few scars and know what it is like to have the wind blowing through my hair and see the trees zoom past me in all of their colors than to leave this world scratch-free.

Comparison

We have all grown up hearing the phrase, "Comparison is the thief of joy" but it was usually accompanied with me stealing my friend Eliza's toys at her own birthday party.

In high school, I was pretty average. I was never a natural athlete. But I was surrounded by athletes like my friend Darien. I wanted to run down a soccer field and look svelte doing it like her. Instead I wore spandex on the volleyball court and did my best sausage-casing impression.

I was never a well rounded artist like my friends Liz and Kristen who were the epitome of triple threats. We called ourselves the Three Amigos. They were these tall, thin bombshells who could paint, dance, sing, you name it. I could sing and act... most of the time. But I wanted their gifts. From the age of 5, I was the Martin Short of the Three Amigos... and I let it steal my joy.

So I've started running more seriously the past few years of my life. I am not fast. I'm not long and lean. But I can run for a long time. If you remember, I ran a half marathon with my Energizer Bunny cousin on Valentine's weekend. Well 2 weeks after that, I ran another half marathon with my father. Crazy? Yes. Fun? Yes. I took my time on the 2nd one and knew that my time would be slower than the first race. Well for some reason, as I was looking around at all of these gorgeous and fast runners speeding by me, my joy was threatened. But I remembered that saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy". I was crossing the finish line for the second time in two weeks, felt strong, and refused to allow my joy to be stolen.

We have our own stories. We have our own gifts, our own accomplishments, our own communication styles, our own goals, and our own relationships. No one can take those away. Your joy doesn't have to be stolen; grab hold.

Quadruple Coupons!

Ok I lied. I don't even think there is such a thing as quadruple coupons at Harris Teeter. BUT, just a test, did you get too excited over that? I have a feeling I'm not going to make any new friends with this post... but I shall proceed.

Matthew 6:21, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

This verse always kicks me straight in the gut. I'm not picking on coupon ladies, so please don't hit me with your coupon binders. But do we get too excited about things that pass like coupons or a new Patty Griffin album or the Oscars or a new shirt? Or even worse, do we run up to strangers and share the great news that it is SUPER DOUBLES at Harris Teeter or TWENTY DOLLAR JEANS AT OLD NAVY (did I just get too excited typing that? maybe...)?

That is what our treasure is. I couldn't stop talking to my neighbor about our awesome new chicken coop and the new Patty Griffin album. Did I tell him about my life? How God has changed it? How much he deserves to be loved? No. I talked about how track #3 was amazing and life changing. Blurgh.

How much time do I spend reading reviews for albums? Making my grocery list to see how many coupons I can use or how many recipes I can make that include chicken? Or checking to see what my third grade bestie was doing on New Years on facebook...OMG LOL? That is what my treasure is.

I know that it takes a lot to have a reality check with yourself about where your heart is. But man, I don't want my heart to be in those temporary things, those unfulfilling things (sorry Patty, but for real, call me if you need a backup singer), and those cheap treasures. I want my treasures and my heart to rest in my Author.

Come treasure hunting with me. And no, Old Navy is not on the way.

My plea

Please don't sit in the front of the TV today...IT IS GORGEOUS OUTSIDE!

The end.

Personality

I'm in a class right now that detailed the different personality results, specifically Myers-Briggs. I have always felt as though there were these negative aspects of my personality. I'm too free-spirited. I am too impulsive. I make decisions based on my gut feelings even if they don't necessarily make sense. All of these fall into my Myers-Briggs results of ESFP. However, this weekend my professor challenged me to not see these personality results as "defects" as I always had, but to see that God made me this way. I've been reflecting on that idea all week.

Why do we always assume some of our characteristics are negative if they are different or unique. I was praying through some of the characteristics about myself such as my impulsive nature that I had thought were negative or embarrassing. I felt like God was telling me that those were my "soul markings". I should rejoice in my soul markings, even if they aren't listed in the world's characteristics that lead to success.

What are your soul markings? Are you resisting them? What if you started embracing them and allowing them to be a part of your work style, conflict management style, communication styles, whatever it may be. I'm going to start embracing mine. You may never see me on the cover of Forbes magazine, but you'll probably see me handing out autographed Glamour Shots of myself in the mall because I decided it was a good day for a prank.

Grateful

I have found the key to life... just kidding.

In all seriousness, I have found the root of a lot of my anxiety, jealousy, anger, bitterness... all of those fun emotions that I feel on a cloudy day or when I read my People magazine.

Ungratefulness.

When I’m in a bad mood, whether justified or just because I had to eat oatmeal instead of Krispy Kreme...I’m ungrateful. I change my thoughts towards being grateful that I have food to eat when I’m hungry. When I’m grumpy, I stop and list the things that I’m grateful for and I feel the bad mood melting away.

When I’m jealous of someone’s opportunities, clothes, income, family, etc. I stop and thank God for all the blessing He has given me. Thank you God that we have an amazing adventure ahead of us without the boredom of consistency. Thank you God that I am have clothes to put on my back that match... most of the time. Thank you God that even though the math doesn’t add up, our bills get paid and we still have luxuries.

When I’m angry at someone I try and stop and be thankful that I have amazing relationships in my life and that my soul and heart are alive enough to feel injustice.

When I’m anxious I stop and thank God that He is in control of my life. Even though I am disorganized and scatter brained, instead of thinking it to be a curse I stop and thank God that He made me that way and put people in my life to color-code my planner.

Think about all of the burdensome emotions that you feel. Try countering them with a sense of gratefulness.

Thank you that even though my car smells like Chick-Fil-A and dog, it works.

Thank you that I have a job to go to, a messy house to come home to, and candy to give me cellulite. I’m grateful.