Living by Faith

Are we living by faith? I was reading this morning and was struck by a verse in Scripture. It's Romans 1:17, "The righteous will live by faith."

Even on my best day; when my outfit matches, my jeans fit, I'm running because I want to be healthy not because when I pointed at something my arm continued to move like butterscotch jello, dinner is healthy and on the table on matching plates, I didn't curse like a sailor (in my head or out loud), I was respectful to Sam, I read the Bible and prayed.... I can't claim righteousness over myself. So I immediately started asking myself, "How am I not living by faith?"

When everything falls down around me, do I believe I will be caught?

When everything is going a little too well, am I waiting for the bottom to fall out?

Do I rejoice in transformation or keep second guessing that I've been redeemed?

When a dream is laid on my heart, do I go for it or immediately think of reasons that I'd fail or it wouldn't be "practical" ... I know the answer to that one since I'm wearing my PJs with giant slippers on my couch having full conversations with my dog instead of playing my music for people to hear or traveling with an improv comedy group.

Do I believe that I've been made for a purpose? With gifts that are unique to my life and very existence?

Do I believe that no matter how I'm feeling, the God I worship and His Truth never change?

I pray that we all start living by faith. There is so much life that we are missing because we're living by false facts or insecurity. Lets experience faith together... "The righteous will live by faith."

Weeds

A few months ago I prayed a scary prayer. I prayed that God would lead me into a holy life. I prayed that God would transform my broken life into a life that honors Him. I knew as I prayed that prayer I would experience a lot of opposition within myself.

Since I prayed that prayer, I have never been so aware of my sin and my short comings. Every day I stare my sin in the face. It’s like this annoying after-school special going on in my head every time I’m tempted to gossip, lie, be lazy, be judgmental, eat 4 bags of Chewy Sprees... you get the idea. All day long I realize without grace, I’d be forced to listen to Carl Winslow’s voice in my head point out how I’m a failure and how I need to make better life choices.

thanks carl...

Every day I realized that with humility comes a crossroad. I could either let my short comings and failures make me insecure and put me inside my own grave that I’ve built inside of my brain. Or I could feel freedom from my unreasonable expectations and finally be a piece of clay. I need to stop taking my humility inwards and start pushing it outwards to the cross.

Yes I’m still wrestling everyday but God help me if the day comes on this side of Heaven when I’m not wrestling to be a better person. God help me if I’m not constantly evaluating my life and the aspects of it that keep me from growing... and taking actions to weed them out.

What weeds are there in your life that prevent you from growing?

Work

There are a lot of unjust things happening around us. I really believe that we are called to fight against them. Of course it's easier to sit on my couch, watch 30 Rock, and drink coffee... but that's not why we are here. Let me say that again, that is not why we are here. We are here to make a difference. We are here to fight for people who can't fight for themselves. We are here to be a light in the darkness.

Ephesians 2:10: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Please do not tire from doing what is right, we are created to do right day after day. To help, to work, to labor with love... day after day.

In the meantime...

I have a lot on my mind this week, a lot of conviction that is clouding my sanity. I even told my husband today that if I could make fireballs, I'd throw one at his head. Luckily, we both laughed. Insane woman, party of one....

So, I'll leave you with some excellent advice that came to my mind today as I completely went against it.

Before you say anything out of anger to someone you love, think about your favorite memory with them. Live in this memory, soak in its sweetness. Then say what you need to say but I bet your interaction will be a bit different and won't leave as big of a scar as it inevitably would have.

More to come this week about humility and it leading us to the foot of the cross instead of into our own self-loathing.

Simplicity

Happy Easter everyone, I hope you felt and experienced the freedom that the Resurrection brings you every day... not just on Easter.

Some of our closest friends, Ashleigh and Justin came to spend the weekend with us. We were walking through the woods and started discussing our need for simplicity.

When is the last time you sat in silence? The last time you went an entire day without the television on? Do you spend a lot of time browsing the Internet for hours at a time... with the TV on... while texting? Yeah, me too.

Perhaps our culture of efficiency and mass production has forced us out of truly experiencing moments and into multi-tasking our way into exhaustion. We spent the weekend walking through the woods, making music, discussing the world's problems and how we can actually take part in making the world better, and playing hilarious outdoor games. Not once was the TV turned on or a computer picked up. It was refreshing and empowering. I hope you take time to pursue simplicity in your life. I know I will try and live in the reality that even if I am stripped of everything I own, I have everything I need to live a full and simple life.

Expectations

You want to know when the best moment of my marriage was? The richest time of friendship? It was when I released Sam and my friends from my expectations. The times when I felt most connected to my family? It was when I didn't force them into the roles that I wanted them to be in.

Expectations; we all have them. We all have this secret list of expectations for our spouse or friends or family. We trick them into a contract saying they should know what we're thinking, what we need, etc. It's not their job to fulfill these expectations or fit into our idea of who they should be... ESPECIALLY when they don't even know this contract exists! I found myself getting disappointed or angry when this contract was breached. "How dare he not know that I secretly wanted to watch a movie tonight!" or "How dare she not know I wanted to go dancing!" or "How dare she not ask how my day was!" You get the idea.

Lets give our relationships room to breath! I need to take ownership over my expectations and realize no one else should have to carry that burden.

Take off your training wheels

Hey yall, sorry I've been MIA. Sam and I along with some our best buds ran the Cooper River Bridge Run in Charleston this past weekend so last week my brain was already at the beach.

Last weekend I did entertainment (aka act like a fool and try and make women laugh) at a women's retreat for a Greensboro church. During a break, a discussion was brought up by a woman as she asked "Why can't we let go of these negative things in our life that we know will set us free?"

I've been marinating on that question ever since. I can't say that the answer I came to is universal, but it's my answer to my story, and it may be to yours.

I have certain fears that if I trace the root, are stemming from desires of my heart. For instance, I have a fear of failure which is linked to my desire for success. When my desire for success is threatened, I take action by trying to control everything in my life, being a slave to competition, envying what I don't have, or just plain being ruthless. These are negative things in my life. If I were to let go of these negative aspects of my life and relinquish my fear of failure... would I be free or would complete mayhem break loose. Both.

Can't both be sweet?

Being in control and not releasing the negative things in our life makes us feel safer. Imagine your life being on training wheels. By keeping training wheels on your life: you are in control, you're stable, you're safe... but you're secretly chicken. If you take those training wheels off: you could fall, you could wobble, or you could go as fast and as free as you can... but you're not in complete control.

I've been praying of ways that I can take the training wheels off of my life and really release the negative aspects that are keeping my life captive of fear. I'm not planning as much. I'm realizing that I can protect myself from failure to some extent... but do I want to? By protecting myself from failure, aren't I protecting myself from true success and freedom? My life has been on training wheels - I'm not falling but I'm not going fast and free either. That may be too abstract but man, in my heart it rings true.

There have been times in my life when I've been in control. There have been times in my life when I haven't. In looking back, the richest times and the times in which life was truly life... I wasn't in control. God is the Author of my story. I don't want to stifle it with my constant editing. I know it is completely against what society is telling me... don't be in control? Are you kidding?

But I'd rather take the training wheels off and have a few scars and know what it is like to have the wind blowing through my hair and see the trees zoom past me in all of their colors than to leave this world scratch-free.